The dreaded “Man Cold” has been crippling the male species since time began. The Bible doesn’t go into detail, but I’m convinced that Adam agreed to eat the apple because his judgment was clouded by a “man cold.”

I read the following article on MSN that describes the man cold and gives women some tips on how to treat it.

This “debilitating disease” can be “near fatal,” says the Urban Dictionary. It’s specific to the male species and demands fast attention.

The symptoms are horrible: coughing, sneezing, sore throat, low energy and the telltale man-whine. What’s a girl to do? Yes, it’s up to the opposite sex to save their men from their colds. Let’s go through the drill:

Do not put him in bed. Instead, let him recoup here.

Turn on the TV - fast. Find some sports or cartoons and give him the remote control.

He’ll be too weak to call for you, so make sure to check in on him every three minutes. A little bell is also helpful.

He’ll need an endless supply of tissues, fast food, cookies and lots of tea.

Once he shows signs of improvement (by asking you what you’re doing every 10 minutes), he’s ready for movie therapy. Star Wars, James Bond, or sports related movies work well during this next step in the man cold treatment plan. Note: No matter how much he begs, do not let him watch “Brian’s Song.” In his weakened state, the emotional drain will be too much for him.

If a week has gone by and there’s no improvement, bring out the big guns: have a chick flick marathon consisting of Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Steel Magnolias, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and if he’s not in the shower after that, tell him you can’t remember if you feed a cold, starve a fever or the reverse, so you’d better ask your mother to come over.

He’ll be back on his feet before you can say, “Do these pants make my butt look big?”

My friend, Teendoc, who blogs at Welcome to the Dollhouse, first diagnosed my man cold a few weeks ago when I was pleading for sympathy on Twitter. My ailing fingers could barely type out the message, but I needed the world to know how miserable I was. Teendoc responded with a link to this video. After I watched it I thought, “Finally, a doctor who understands my misery.” I showed the video to my wife so she could have a better understanding of what I was going through. She went into a tirade about how mothers don’t have the luxury of having a “man cold” because they have to blah, blah, blah. I pulled my blanket over my head because I was way too sick to comprehend her rambling (BTW, this was a bad move).

A week later, I contracted a stomach virus. Instead of displaying sympathy, my daughter looked at my wife and said, “Oh, no. Looks like dad has another man cold. I guess he’ll be in bed all day, again.”

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Who handles illnesses better, men or women?

Tags: brian's song, daughter, divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood, doctor, health, james bond, man cold, msn, sick, sisterhood of the traveling pants, star wars, steel magnolias, twitter, wife

Today my wife and I took our boys for their pediatric check-ups. While we were there, the doctor asked if we had any “Mr. Yuk” stickers. I told her that we didn’t and she brought us a few to place around the house. When I looked at those stickers, memories of my childhood came flooding back. I immediately recalled the old “Mr. Yuk” commercial from the 70s. That commercial scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. The ominous “Mr. Yuk is mean. Mr. Yuk is green” followed by diabolical laughter was enough to keep me out of the medicine cabinet. “Mr. Yuk” was a bad dude and I didn’t want any part of him.

This walk down memory lane prompted me to do a YouTube search to find the commercial. I was pleased to find it and I’d like to share it with you. All of you 70s kids will be able to relate.

I showed the commercial to my kids and explained to them why they should not touch items with “Mr. Yuk” stickers. They didn’t seem as scared of “Mr. Yuk” as I was. Maybe it takes more than a green dude to frighten this generation.

My wife, K, and I were frightened a few years ago when my son, N, swallowed some of the oil I use to lubricate my clippers. K freaked out when she noticed him walking out of our bathroom holding the bottle.

“Oh my, God,” she said. “He drank some of that oil.” I tried to play it cool, but I was scared because I took drug counseling course that taught us how oils coat the lungs and cuts off breathing. We weren’t sure if he had ingested any or not, but we weren’t about to take any chances. K called Poison Control to find out what we needed to do. They gave us detailed instructions and we followed them to the letter. We are thankful that he only swallowed a small amount and we were able to flush his system before any serious damage occurred. But the situation could have been much worse if we didn’t have access to the Poison Control Center.

I implore each of you to make sure that you have the Poison Control number in an accessible place. Post it on the refrigerator, in the bathroom and any other location that houses hazardous chemicals. For those who don’t have the phone number, it is (800) 222-1212.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: bathroom, chemical, commercial, doctor, kitchen, mr. yuk, oil, pediatric, poison control, scare, son, wife, youtube