A new year is upon us and now is the time for making those New Year’s resolutions. As I was writing my 2009 resolutions, I took a few minutes to reflect on how well I did with my 2008 goals:

• I will go to the gym 3 times per week - I accomplished this goal and managed to lose 25 pounds in the process
• I will take a dance class with my wife and an art class for myself - Didn’t accomplish. In my defense, my work travel schedule kept me away from home regularly
• I will buy a new car -Actually I bought a used car from eBay
• I will go on a family vacation - We took a trip to Key West and to Disney World and had a great time
• I will take the kids fishing - I didn’t take them fishing, but I did buy them new fishing poles for Christmas
• I will read the whole Bible - I read the New Testament and Proverbs
• I will save money for kids’ college education - I didn’t accomplish this goal, but 2009 may be a better time to begin since stock prices are much lower.

Although I didn’t accomplish everything as I had hoped, I am satisfied with the things that I did accomplish in 2008.

My friend Tyler, who blogs at Building Camelot, challenged other dad bloggers to develop a list of resolutions to be a better dad in 2009. My list is as follows:

1. I will take care of myself physically by exercising, eating right, and scheduling regular exams and checkups.
2. I will love my wife with undying devotion.
3. I will play more tag, Red Light Green Light, Hullabaloo, Uno, and Mario Cart
4. I will work hard at my job to provide a comfortable living for my family.
5. I will get a puppy (I have already accomplished this goal. Stay tuned for my upcoming post)
6. I will remain involved in my children’s education by going on field trips, volunteering at school, attending Parent/Teacher conferences and helping with homework.
7. I will teach my children spiritual principles. As their father, this is my main job.
8. I will treat my children as individuals. It’s easy to lump them together as my kids, but they each have a unique personality that I must help nurture and develop.
9. I will complete a family tree so they will not forget their ancestors.
10. I will live a life that my children will want to imitate.

Happy New Year,
Mocha Dad

Question: What are your 2009 resolutions?

Tags: building camelot, children, father, new year, resolution

Charles Barkley famously said, “I am not a role model.” The all-star power forward never intended for people to look up to him or follow in his footsteps. All he wanted to do was play basketball. As fathers, we cannot shirk the responsibility of being role models to our children. Like it or not, your children will model your behaviors - good or bad.

Clarence Budington Kelland said:

“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

How are you living your life? What are your children learning by watching you? Are you the man that you want your son to be or your daughter to marry? Are you the role model they need you to be?

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What type of role model was your father?

Tags: charles barkley, children, clarence budington kelland, father, role model

I am starting a new feature on Mocha Dad called Wednesday Wisdom. Each Wednesday, I will post some sage advice about fatherhood in the form of quotes, links, and videos. If you have some wisdom that you’d like to share, please send it to me via e-mail.

The first installment on Wednesday Wisdom is a quote from Frederick Douglass:

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Let me know what you think about statement.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: How do you build strong children?

Tags: children, daddy, father, frederick douglass, men, wednesday, wisdom

Today is World AIDS Day, a day when individuals and organizations from around the world come together to bring attention to the global AIDS epidemic.

Eradicating AIDS is something that I am passionate about because African Americans are disproportionately affected by this deadly disease. The AIDS epidemic among African Americans in some parts of the United States is as severe as in parts of Africa.

Here are some startling facts about African Americans and HIV/AIDS:

• The HIV/AIDS infection rate among Black men is 6 times that of white men and the rate among Black women is 16 times that of white women
• AIDS now accounts for 1 in 3 deaths among Black men aged 25 to 44
• More children with AIDS are Black than all other race and ethnic groups combined
• Every day in the U.S. about 100 people of color become infected with HIV
• More than two-thirds of all women in the U.S. who are infected with the AIDS virus are Black
• Blacks represent 57% of all new AIDS cases in the United States, though comprising only 13% of the population
• AIDS is the leading cause of death for Black women

If you are an African American, or anyone else for that matter, and have not been tested for HIV, please do so.

The Black AIDS institute has a program designed to test 1 Million African Americans by June 27, 2010.

Also, visit these websites to learn more about the AIDS epidemic and what you can do to help:

• 2008 World AIDS Day
• Black AIDS Institute
• AIDS.gov

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Do you know anyone who has been affected by HIV/AIDS?

Tags: africa, african american, aids, black, children, disease, hiv, men, women, world aids day

One day at work, while I was enjoying my lunch of leftover crawfish etouffee, my co-worker walked by and said, “That smells good. Your wife must be a good cook.”

“Actually,” I said, “I cooked this.”

Looking at me dumbfounded, he stood silent for about a minute, and then said, “If you’re going to cook, why did you get married?”

His ignorance troubled me, especially in this era of Bobby Flay and Emeril Lagasse. Although women have made tremendous strides in social, political and business arenas, they are still expected to cook any bacon they bring home. I cook because I enjoy doing it, and I’m the better cook. My wife manages the rest of the household because she is much more organized than I am. We chose which responsibilities we wanted without regard to gender, and I believe our relationship has benefited because we aren’t pigeonholed into traditional male-female roles.

For me, the kitchen has always been a special place. It is the soul of any home, the place from which all the warmth and nourishment radiate. When I was younger, I’d spend holidays in the kitchen chopping onions, basting turkeys and preparing salads instead of watching sports with the men. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with my uncles and cousins. It’s just that the buzz of the kitchen was much more exciting than football games. My male cousins chided me for being a “mama’s boy,” but I never allowed their insults to damage my self-esteem or lessen my desire to cook. Even then, I realized knowing how to cook was much more valuable than knowing Walter Payton’s stats.

My mother, realizing the value in honing my culinary acumen, insisted that I sit in the kitchen with her as she prepared dinner each night. While she baked, sautéed and stewed delectable dishes, I noted each step and stored them all in my mental recipe book. I also retained the lessons on self-reliance, independence and creativity that my mother imparted as she cooked. Through these stove-side sessions, I learned not only how to be a good cook, but also how to be a good man.

Eventually, with my mother working all day and attending classes at night, cooking dinner became my responsibility. I started slowly with simple dishes such as chili, hamburgers and spaghetti. Although these early meals were barely edible, my mother ate them as if they were manna from heaven. Her quiet encouragement gave me the confidence not only to attempt more difficult recipes, but also to make them palatable.

My first challenge was my mother’s gumbo - a mixture of chicken, seafood and Cajun spices. I was so nervous when I first attempted the recipe because I knew that it would never compare to hers, but I had to try at least. The most difficult step was making the roux. Only the most skilled chef can fuse flour and oil into the golden-brown paste that is the soul of the gumbo. It took me five attempts to make the roux the right color and consistency. But when I finally got it right, the sense of accomplishment was immeasurable. The satisfied nod my mother gave me after she finished a bowl of my novice gumbo let me know that my lessons had paid off.

Now I’m sharing these lessons with my own children. They are always eager to help daddy in the kitchen. At 7 and 5, the kids are not old enough to handle knives or the stove, but they chip in by stirring batters or pouring seasonings. When they help to prepare the meals, they are more likely to eat their dinner because they have some ownership in it. Cooking meals together also allows the kids to spend a few minutes of uninterrupted time with dad. These special moments are what memories are made of.

Of course, cooking meals isn’t my only responsibility around the house. I still perform “traditional” male tasks such as fixing, installing, and lifting things. None of these will ever replace my love for cooking. Even if this confession forces me to rescind my membership in the “Macho Man” club, I am not ashamed.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Who does the cooking in your household?

P.S. - A few people have asked for the Crawfish Etouffee Recipe so here it is. I usually don’t measure things when I cook, but I tried to estimate as best as I could:

Crawfish Etouffee

Ingredients

 2 pounds crawfish tails (shelled)

1/4 pound butter

1 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped bell pepper

1/2 cup chopped celery

2 cups seafood stock (or chicken stock)

1 tablespoon corn starch

1/4 cup chopped green onion

Tony Chachere Creole seasoning blend, to taste

Dash dried thyme

1 bay leaf

Tabasco Sauce to taste

Directions

• Add about a tablespoon of butter to a sauté pan over medium heat and sauté the onion, bell pepper and celery until translucent
• Add the remaining butter and 1-1/2 cup seafood stock and season with Creole seasoning, thyme, oregano, bay leaf, and Tabasco sauce
• Add crawfish tails and bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes
• Dissolve the corn starch in the remaining 1/2 cup of seafood stock and add to the mixture
• Add the green onions and cook an additional 5 minutes
• Serve over hot long grain rice

Tags: bobby flay, cajun, children, cook, creole, emeril lagasse, etoufee, gumbo, macho man, tony chachere

Being married with kids is tough. The associated work and stress can cause couples to become emotionally disconnected. When that happens, it becomes easier for husbands and wives to fall into the affair trap. The most recent studies on marriage have discovered that 30% of men and 20% of women have been unfaithful. These statistics are not very encouraging, but couples can take steps to protect their marriage from infidelity.

In a teaching series called “Affair Proof Your Marriage,” my pastor shared five tips that will help couples to reconnect and reignite the spark in their marriage:

• Accommodate your spouse
• Admire your spouse
• Affirm your spouse
• Adore your spouse
• Show your spouse affection

These tips are not original or groundbreaking, but they are crucial to building a solid marriage. Take it from a person who has experienced the emotional disconnection. My wife and I went through a rough patch that seemed insurmountable. But we took these simple steps and now our marriage is stronger than ever. We’ve both learned that it’s the small, daily love gestures that really count in a relationship.

Now that I’ve shared this information with you, I’d like to hear some of your feedback. How do you apply these five principles to your marriage or relationship?

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: accommodate, admire, adore, affair, affection, affirm, children, husband, Marriage, relationship, spouse, wife

I grew up poor. That fact became quite obvious to me when I started attending gifted schools in the wealthier areas of town. While all of the other kids had the latest fashions and the newest Atari video game systems, I had to settle for the clothes and toys that my mother could afford.

My mother was intent on breaking this cycle of poverty by making sure that I took advantage of every educational opportunity available. She could always find extra money for me to go on a field trip, attend art classes, or participate in computer camp. Her sacrifices enabled me to earn a college degree and obtain a career that allows me to live a comfortable life. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough African American parents who realize the correlation between education and poverty.

The percentage of African Americans living in poverty increased from 2000 to 2006 by an average of 0.82% per year, after having declined by an average of 1.25% per year in the 1990s. In 2006, 24% of African Americans were in poverty compared to 8% of whites.

Poverty rates were highest for families headed by single women, particularly if they were black or Hispanic. In 2004, both black and Hispanic female-headed households had poverty rates just under 40 percent.

These high poverty rates are unacceptable and should not occur in a country as wealthy as the United States. It is imperative that parents teach their children to value education and to take advantage of every opportunity to learn. It is well documented that people with a college education earn more money over their lifetime than people who do not. Education is truly the key to ending the cycle of poverty.

If you want to know what you can do to prevent poverty, start by reading a book to your child. It’s never too early to instill a love of learning.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: african american, blog, children, education, mother, parent, poverty, school

Things are still crazy in Houston. Most of the city is still without power and many of the streets are impassable. Thanks to a cold front that arrived Sunday, temperatures have been in the 70s, so people have not had to suffer blistering heat.

Mayor Bill White ordered a week-long curfew from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. because of the widespread damage and darkness. Houston police issued more than 108 citations - and made at least 32 arrests - during the first night of the curfew. The arrests included a group of people arrested in a stolen vehicle, while others apparently stole from homes and stores.

Although Mayor White has worked hard to keep things under control, there have been a few hiccups. The local relief efforts have been slow because of miscommunication between FEMA, the City of Houston, and the State of Texas. FEMA brought supplies to various locations, but there were no people to distribute them. When all agencies finally coordinated their efforts, thousands of people flocked to distribution sites to get food, ice and bottled water. Each vehicle was limited to two bags of ice, one case of bottled water and a single 12-pack of ready-to-eat meals. Obviously, there was much frustration and anger as people waited to get their supplies. There was even a shooting at a gas station after two people got into an argument.

I’m thankful that we didn’t have to deal with this madness. We have power and plenty of food to accommodate the 10 people who have taken shelter in our home. Our biggest problem has been figuring out how to occupy five children, ages 1 to 9, all day long.

My parents went to check the status of their home yesterday. Their neighborhood was a disaster area with trees, power lines, and debris strewn all over. Several of their neighbors suffered significant property damage; however, they were fortunate to have experienced no damage. They are still without power,though, so our 10-person slumber party will continue for a few more days.

Today, my stepdad and I attempted to get some gas. The wait was over two hours so we decided to try again later. On our way home, we found a grocery store that was open. We were in desperate need of milk for the children. The normally 10-minute drive, took us about half an hour. The lines were not too long, but people were filling their carts with everything that they could pack into them. I hope we have enough diapers to last a few days because there were none to be found.

Officials have only attributed 30 deaths to the hurricane, but judging by the videos and pictures of destroyed homes and business I’ve seen, I fear the death toll will grow exponentially. Please keep those affected by the storm in your thoughts and prayers.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: bill white, children, death, fema, food, galveston, gas, houston, hurrican ike, ice, mre, power, shooting, water

My wife and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary over the weekend. The 11th anniversary is one of those awkward years that don’t end in zero or five so there isn’t a lot of guidance on how to celebrate. To give you an idea of how benign this anniversary is, the traditional wedding gift for eleven years is steel.

We commemorated the date by nursing our daughter’s strep throat and running interference to prevent the other two children for contracting the virus. Not very romantic, but that’s how things work when you’re married with kids.

Our married life, while thoroughly satisfying, has been no crystal stair. Even getting to our wedding date was a bumpy road. When I first intended to propose to my wife, people called me crazy. They said I was too young, too immature, too stupid. They were right. However, I paid them no mind because I was a little boy ready to play house.

“I’m going to ask K to marry me,” I told my best friend hoping he’d offer congratulations.

“Why,” he whispered. “You can’t even watch TV for two minutes without switching channels. How are you going to remain interested in one woman forever?”

“Because she is The One,” I said. “And I love her.”

“I’m sure you do, but why spoil that by getting married.”

While there was cynicism in his voice, there was also truth. When people think of love, they think of joy, excitement, spontaneity. Marriage, by contrast, is work, compromise, and obligation. Since our relationship already possessed the former qualities, I thought matrimony would only enhance our bliss so I set off to buy an engagement ring. Unfortunately, I was unsure of K’s ring size so I tried to siphon that crucial piece of information as discreetly as possible. She was wise to me.

“Don’t buy my ring,” she said carefully framing the sentence as if she were speaking a new language.

“Why not?”

“Because once I put on that ring, it will symbolize forever.” Her words sat in the air like a cartoonist’s balloon. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

Her response forced me to scrutinize my impulsiveness. Having seen few happy marriages in my lifetime, my wanting to be wed seemed illogical. I remember the fighting and bitterness of my parents’ marriage. I remember the sting of their divorce along with my yearning for a mother and father living in the same house so I could feel normal. My wanting to get married became a challenge rather than a natural progression of a relationship. Because of my parents’ divorce, I was determined to get married and make it work. I wanted to be a better man than my father by not running away when things got sticky. Of course I loved K and wanted to spend my life with her, but my charge was larger than that; it became more Herculean, less Harlequin.

By disrupting my proposal plans, K forced me to forget my charge for a while and concentrate on what was really important - developing our relationship. It took two years before I had the inclination, maturity, and guts to recover from this emotional castration and ask K to marry me again. In the interim, that little boy, who wanted to play house, grew up and learned a few things about marriage and himself. Instead of letting the rejection I felt from the “Ring Incident” sour my feelings towards K, I decided to reacquaint myself with the woman I loved and wait until the time was truly right to propose again.

While not quite forever, eleven years is along time to be married. Because of the ups and downs we’ve experienced over they years, K and I have bonded in a deeper, ethereal, more permanent manner. Not only have we evolved personally, but so has our relationship. I look forward to many more years of married life while drinking from my new stainless steel coffee mug.

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: anniversary, children, husband, love, Marriage, proposal, relationship, ring, steel, wedding, wife

In my quest to live a healthier lifestyle, I have become a loyal subscriber to Men’s Health Magazine. It has become my health and fitness bible. In addition to exercise and diet tips, the magazine also has great articles on manhood. In the June 2008 issue, I encountered several fatherhood fact I would like to share. My comments are in italics.

1. Odds that the average guy will become a dad: 1 in 2. That’s great unless they find out they’re dads on Maury Povich’s show.
2. Number of children the average guy has: 2. Many of those guys in the NBA are way above average.
3. Number of men who spawn four of more children: 1 in 10. Hello Shawn Kemp.
4. If men could choose the gender, the number who would choose to have a daughter: 1 in 20. The number who are eager for their daughters to date: 0!
5. Number of men who say they aren’t comfortable handling a baby: 1 in 10. That number increases exponentially when a poopy diaper is involved.
6. Percentage of dads who want to instill healthier eating habits in their kids than they had growing up: 20. The other eighty percent consider Cherry Coke a fruit.
7. Percentage who spend less than 2 hours with their kids each day: 42. Football games last longer than this.
8. Number of men who rate their father’s parenting skills as “below average”: 1 in 4. I hope that this generation of fathers fares better.
9. The major reason: He didn’t show love. See my earlier post “Learning to Love.”
10. The average guy’s first choice for a dad besides the man who raised him: Bill Cosby. “The Cosby Show” Bill Cosby, not the grumpy old man, Bill Cosby.
11. The average father’s top parenting fear: His kid will run with a bad crowd. At least worse than the crowd he ran with.
12. Number yearly who take permanent leave to become stay-at-home dads: 143,000. So why is there still so much traffic when I go to work.
13. The average father’s biggest parenting problem: Not having enough money. Can you ever have enough money with children?
14. The cost to raise a child to age 18: $181,480. Worth every penny!
15. Percentage of men who think kids should reimburse their parents for raising them: 22. These are the guys who fall into the “below average” category.
16. Number of current fathers who would still want to have kids if they could do it over again: 19 in 20. What’s up with number 20?

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

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Tags: bill cosby, children, dad, fact, father, fatherhood, football, health, kid, love, maury povich, men, money, nba, parent, shawn kemp

I promised that I would not write about Barack Obama unless he won the election. My daughter made me break my promise. She is only seven, but she is obsessed with Obama. She constantly asks about him, former presidents, and the U.S. election process.

Her obsession began last year when my wife bought her the book, Barack Obama: An American Story. When she first received the book, she could hardly pronounce his name. Now she laments the fact that she cannot vote for Obama because she is too young.

A few days ago, I brought home the September 2008 issue of Essence Magazine for my wife, but my daughter intercepted it and began tearing through the pages until she reached the Obama article. She spends countless hours pouring over the pictures and words. Obama’s daughters, Malia and Sasha, are her role models. She especially loves Sasha because they are the same age, are missing the same teeth and likes the same activities.

“Look how fancy they are,” she said marveling at the girls’ dresses. “I wonder if they are always that fancy?

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Do you think Sasha goes to school?” she asked.

“Of course they do,” I replied.

“She’s probably in second grade just like me,” she said.

“Probably,” I said.

“If Obama wins, they will live in the White House,” she said. “I wonder what’s it’s like to live in a mansion?” Her eyes glazed over in starry-eyed amazement.

She goes on and on like this all the time. She is fascinated by the fact that these girls, who look like her, could possibly live in the White House, but more importantly that their daddy could be president.

Before I go any further, I must disclose that I am not a gung-ho Obama supporter. I have some fundamental problems with his policies and his tendency to flip-flop on issues. He started out as a ray of hope, but has turned into another politician. Regardless of how I feel about him personally, I cannot deny the impact that his presidency could have on the African American community.

It has often been said that, in America, the land of opportunity, any child could grow up to be president. But children of color had a hard time believing this statement when they saw the faces of previous U.S. presidents. Now, maybe for the first time, they have reason to believe it. Obama has inspired young African Americans to succeed and to become involved in the political process. I must admit that it is good to see an African American role model who is not a rapper or an athlete.

So on Thursday night (the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech), I watched Obama’s historic acceptance speech with my family. Eighty thousand people showed up to see a black man who was scoring a touchdown or dunking a basketball. They came to see a black man who could possibly be the leader of the free world. Wow!

Despite my political leaning, I was impressed and inspired by Obama’s speech. My children needed to see him deliver such a strong message. He has enhanced their pride and given them a new realm of possibilities.

He has also encouraged me by actively demonstrating black fatherhood on a national stage. Like me, Obama grew up without his father, and he made it, just like I did. Because of this experience, we have both chosen to be actively engaged in our children’s lives.

On Father’s Day, Obama told a church of God in Chicago that “we need fathers to realize that responsibility doesn’t just end at conception.” He went on, “That does not make you a father. What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. Any fool can have a child. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”

Obama has renewed my courage, and even if I chose to not vote for him in November, his candidacy has made a difference in my life. But more importantly, he has inspired hope in African American children and voters across the country. And isn’t that the mark of a true leader?

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: african american, barack obama, black man, children, daughter, democratic convention, election, essence magazine, father, i have a dream, leader, martin luther king, president, speech, white house

As I mentioned in the previous post, we celebrated X’s birthday with cupcakes. Well, the next day, we decided to have the rest of the cupcakes for desert. My daughter, Nee, got a cupcake out of the container, but dropped it on the floor on the way to the table. I told her to throw it away and get another (the 5-second rule is a myth according to Food Detectives).

When everyone was served and finished eating their cupcake, we proceeded into the living room where I placed X on the floor and myself on the couch. X loves to walk into the kitchen and push the trash can around the island. As expected, he latched on to the can and began his trek around the kitchen. Let me state for the record that I do not condone this activity, but sometimes it’s easier to allow him to do it than it is to get up off the couch.

After one loop, he usually makes his way into the living room, but this time he did not. In fact, he stopped pushing the can and got quiet. Parents know that bad things are happening when children are too quiet. As I prepared to investigate, I heard Nee yell, “No, X!” When I arrived in the kitchen, Nee was wrestling her discarded cupcake out of X’s hand. This task proved to be more difficult than Nee realized. X would not be denied and tightened his grip on the tasty treat. He was able to stuff a few more sweet morsels into his frosting covered mouth before his sister could overpower him and retrieve the cupcake.

X let out an ear-piercing cry and made one last attempt at the cupcake. I swooped in and carried him to the bathroom where I could clean his face, hands, hair, clothes and feet. It was important that I removed all evidence of “The Cupcake Incident” before my wife returned home from swimming lessons. I felt like Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction and really need The Wolf’s assistance.

The problem I had was Nee. I knew that she would not be a complicit accomplice. Telling her something is like pouring water in a sieve. But it was late and I figured that she would be too tired to tell her mommy about what happened.

Boy was I wrong!

K could hardly get inside the door before Nee gave me up. I tried to keep her quiet, but this time she was the one who would not be denied.

“X ate a cupcake out of the garbage,” she said with a smirk on her face.

“He did what?” K asked as she shot me a look.

“You know how he is about cupcakes,” I replied. “He didn’t want it to go to waste.” K just shook her head and smiled. Maybe I didn’t need The Wolf after all.

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: african american, black, children, cupcake, daughter, father, garbage, pulp fiction, son

America. Bernie Mac is dead.

He died on Saturday, August 9, 2008 of complications from pneumonia. Mac is best known for his work on “The Bernie Mac Show.” In the sitcom, the professional comedian Bernie Mac and his wife, Wanda, take in his drug-addicted sister’s children: 5-year-old Bryana, 8-year-old Jordan and the headstrong 13-year-old Vanessa, whom Mac refers to as the Evil One. With the success of this show, Mac was thrust into the pantheon of memorable TV black dads that include Cliff Huxtable, James Evans, and Philip Banks.

As a TV dad, Mac chose to bring an edgier portrayal of fatherhood. He epitomized the aging black father who was beset by marital demands, nosy neighbors and, most of all, today’s back-talking, undisciplined kids. He cursed, yelled, threatened to “Bust heads open until the white meat shows,” and was not a believer in time-out or the naughty chair.

I must admit that I was not a fan of “The Bernie Mac Show” when it first debuted in 2001 (the same year my daughter was born). To me, he was a loud-mouthed, fake Robin Harris. Besides, I couldn’t even consider yelling at my little princess in such a manner. But as my daughter grew up and we added two more children to the brood, I began to relate more and more to Mac’s parenting philosophies.

Where I relate to Mac’s character most is his effort to raise black children in predominantly white suburbs. Just like Mac’s character, I send my children to a private school. We also attend an integrated church. I worry that they won’t have the same connection to the black community that I did or that they will become alienated because of their race. We teach our kids to love everyone and try our best to downplay race to the extent that we can. But we also teach them to have pride in their culture and to celebrate it at every opportunity. Mac showed me that I was not alone in my concern and that made me feel a lot better.

I also relate to the way Mac loves the children. I often want to pull off my belt and tear into my children’s behinds, but the other 90% of the time, I want to hug them and never let them go. Mac was the same way. Despite his blustery personality, he always softened to reveal a hapless affection for his kids. His eyes lit up when he saw, “Baby Girl,” even “Evil Nessa” was able to pull his heartstrings from time to time, and Jordan sometimes managed to get an approving nod from Mac.

Although Mac, was not the perfect father, she showed us all how to be better fathers despite our imperfections.

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: adoption, bernie mac, bill cosby, black man, children, comedian, discipline, father, parent

Today, I read an article about an organization called The Black Star Project that is sponsoring the Million Father March 2008 on the first day of school in nearly 300 cities. Their goal is to encourage fathers to take an active role in their children’s education. At first I was skeptical about this idea because I have grown weary of Million Marches. They generate much hype, but rarely bear any lasting fruit. However, I do support fathers being more involved with schools. Our schools are suffering because dads have not taken the lead in their children’s education. Class moms are abundant, but how many class dads do you see? Mothers have done their part to make sure that children have a quality education - everything from serving on PTAs to chaperoning field trips. It’s time for dads to take a stand.

Research shows that children whose fathers take an active role in their education perform better, enjoy school more and are more likely to graduate from high school and attend college. Isn’t an academically successful, well-adjusted, well-behaved child worth a few hours in the classroom?

I don’t claim to be perfect, but I have taken my daughter to every first day of school (okay, she’s only had two so far). Throughout the year, I schedule time to be a Mystery Reader, eat lunch with her, and to attend other school functions. I do the same for my son at his pre-school. Like most dads, work prevents me from being as involved as I would like to be. I plan to do more this year, though.

I challenge every father to take the first step by showing up on the first day of school. Your child will thank you. See you in the carpool line.

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: black star project, children, education, million father march, school

My blog’s title is obviously a play on Mocha Moms, a support group for mothers of color who have chosen not to work full-time outside of the home in order to devote more time to their families. I respect their mission and focus, but I think it’s time that black fathers have a voice. I’m not talking about baby daddies; I’m talking about bonafide black daddies who are committed to raising strong, moral, successful children despite cultural and social pressures. Being a black man in America ain’t easy. Nor is being a father. Combine the two and you have a potentially stressful situation that causes many to abdicate their responsibilities. I want to celebrate the men who accept this challenge every day.

This blog will allow me to to post my observations, good or bad, on the state of black fatherhood and the black family. I don’t claim to be an expert on these topics; however, raising three children of my own has given me enough experiences to share. Even if I didn’t have kids, I could spend days commenting on stories in the news and on the web.

I have done many things in my life and nothing comes close to the joy that I have received from raising my kids. I know there are many brothas who feel the same way.

I hope you enjoy this blog and visit often. Feel free to post your comments and let me know what you think about it.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to Joyce Davis. Her blog Enjoycinglife encouraged me to start writing again.

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: african american, america, black man, blog, children, dad, family, father, mocha moms