A few years ago, my wife and I started a tradition to purchase Christmas gifts for each other that cost no more than $35 and must begin with a particular letter of alphabet. In 2008, the letter was D. As a joke, I told my wife that dog begins with D.

Before I go any further, let me explain the significance of the aforementioned statement. I’ve wanted a dog for years. We had a cat when we were first married, but we had to turn him over for adoption after our second child was born. I liked the cat, but it was no dog. My wife was adamant that we would not get a dog until our oldest child was as old as her older cousin, Bri. Keep in mind that she repeated her assertion after each of Bri’s birthdays. Unless there was no break in the time/space continuum, Nee would never be as old as Bri, therefore, no dog.

Imagine my surprise when my wife said, “I was thinking about getting a dog too.” In fact, she had already begun searching for breeds that were good with children.

After studying the history and characteristics of nearly every dog breed, we finally settled on a beagle. I’ve always been a big fan of Snoopy so a beagle seemed like a good choice.

I started my search for our new pet on Craigslist. Bad move. After reviewing several listings, I decided that I’d rather adopt a dog from a shelter. I didn’t feel right about getting a pet from the classifieds. Here’s a word of advice if you do decide to search for a pet on Craigslist: Do not accept any free pets. Reputable owners will ask for a small adoption fee in order to keep away sadist and people who sell free animals to labs for testing.

I soon discovered Petfinder a website that lists adoptable pets. I filled in the search criteria and the site generated a list of beagles that were available in my area. I noticed that most of the beagles were listed by an organization called Houston Beagle and Hound Rescue, Inc. I went to the organization’s website, selected a couple of dogs that I was interested in adopting, and completed the long, detailed application.

After I submitted the application, a volunteer from the organization contacted me to ask a few more questions and to schedule a home visit. On the day of the home visit, my wife and I tidied the house and I repaired a couple of missing and loose planks on the backyard fence. The volunteer arrived with three beagles in her car. Two were hers and the other was one that she wanted us to consider adopting. Unfortunately, the dog was older than we wanted and had a few health problems. My kids, who were unaccustomed to dogs, were a bit jumpy because the dogs kept barking.

The volunteer walked around our yard and gave us a few suggestions on how to make it more dog-proof. She asked us a few more questions about our plans to care for the dog - where would it sleep, would we keep it indoors or outdoors, what would we do if we couldn’t keep the dog anymore, etc. We answered all of the questions and concluded our conversion by saying goodbye to her and her pack of beagles. We thought everything went well until I received this e-mail message:

Thank you for allowing us to come out today to check your fence. However, based on the information presented to the adoption committee, they feel that we cannot place a dog in your home. The kids are scared of dogs and we would not place a dog in that situation. Thank you for checking with us though.

I was flabbergasted. I called my wife to read the message and she, too, was stunned. Apparently our family was not good enough to adopt a dog from Houston Beagle and Hound Rescue, Inc.

If she has said, “The kids are scared of dogs and we would not want to place them in a situation where they would be frightened,” I could have accepted that. But placing all of the emphasis on the dog really bothered me. My wife convinced me to refrain from sending her a nasty response. “Maybe, those were not the dogs for us,” she said. “God will lead us to the dog that’s right for our family.” Her words soothed me and I resumed my search.

The next day, I located a lovely 1-1/2 year old, female beagle from an animal shelter in a neighboring city. It took a full hour to arrive at the shelter and I hoped that no one had gotten there before us to adopt the dog.

At the shelter, we found the dog curled up in the corner of her cage. She sprang to life when we walked by and I knew she was the one. I was determined to give that forlorn pooch a new home. My wife and kids were a bit standoffish because none of them had ever spent much time around dogs. By the time we completed the adoption paperwork, everyone had started to warm up each other and Ginger officially became a part of the Mocha family. The best part of this story is that my wife and I managed to stay within the parameters of our Christmas guidelines. The adoption fee was $75 only $5 over our allotted $70 limit.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Are you a pet person? If so, tell us about your pet.

Tags: animal shelter, beagle, christmas, dog, houston, pet, snoopy

I started this blog in August of 2008 and I’m surprised by how fast it has grown. I have met some great blogger friends and have acquired new readers each month. For those of you who have not followed Mocha Dad from the beginning, I would like to share a list of my most popular posts so you can get an idea of my writing style and perspectives on fatherhood.

1. How to Treat the Man Cold
2. Sweet Potato Pie Throwdown
3. I Married a Hooker
4. What Not to Wear
5. The Joy of Cooking
6. The Barber Shop
7. Learning to Love
8. The Evidence of Things Not Seen
9. Parent Teacher Conference
10. The Cupcake Incident

Feel free to subscribe for e-mail or feed updates. I’d also appreciate it if you would share Mocha Dad with your friends. Comments are also welcomed.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What was your favorite Mocha Dad post in 2008?

Tags: african american, blog, cupcake, father, fatherhood, joy of cooking, learning to love, man cold, Mocha Dad, parent teacher conference, sweet potato pie, top ten, what not to wear

Dear Dallas Cowboys,

It’s over. We have been together for over 30 years now, but I just can’t take it anymore. I suffered through your 1-15 season and we drew closer because this rough patch made you grow stronger. When you defeated the Washington Redskins that season, I knew that hope existed for us. The past few years have been rough though. It seems as if you always let me down around the holidays when I need you the most. Your performance against the Philadelphia Eagles was simply embarrassing. I don’t know if I can endure this type of treatment anymore. Besides, those Houston Texans have been trying to win my affection. Maybe it’s time I gave them a chance. I could go on an on about my disappointment, but my fellow blogger at Views from the Farmstead has summed up all of my feeling in her post “Dear Jerry.”

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What are your Super Bowl picks?

Tags: dallas cowboys, football, jerry jones, super bowl, washington redskins

A new year is upon us and now is the time for making those New Year’s resolutions. As I was writing my 2009 resolutions, I took a few minutes to reflect on how well I did with my 2008 goals:

• I will go to the gym 3 times per week - I accomplished this goal and managed to lose 25 pounds in the process
• I will take a dance class with my wife and an art class for myself - Didn’t accomplish. In my defense, my work travel schedule kept me away from home regularly
• I will buy a new car -Actually I bought a used car from eBay
• I will go on a family vacation - We took a trip to Key West and to Disney World and had a great time
• I will take the kids fishing - I didn’t take them fishing, but I did buy them new fishing poles for Christmas
• I will read the whole Bible - I read the New Testament and Proverbs
• I will save money for kids’ college education - I didn’t accomplish this goal, but 2009 may be a better time to begin since stock prices are much lower.

Although I didn’t accomplish everything as I had hoped, I am satisfied with the things that I did accomplish in 2008.

My friend Tyler, who blogs at Building Camelot, challenged other dad bloggers to develop a list of resolutions to be a better dad in 2009. My list is as follows:

1. I will take care of myself physically by exercising, eating right, and scheduling regular exams and checkups.
2. I will love my wife with undying devotion.
3. I will play more tag, Red Light Green Light, Hullabaloo, Uno, and Mario Cart
4. I will work hard at my job to provide a comfortable living for my family.
5. I will get a puppy (I have already accomplished this goal. Stay tuned for my upcoming post)
6. I will remain involved in my children’s education by going on field trips, volunteering at school, attending Parent/Teacher conferences and helping with homework.
7. I will teach my children spiritual principles. As their father, this is my main job.
8. I will treat my children as individuals. It’s easy to lump them together as my kids, but they each have a unique personality that I must help nurture and develop.
9. I will complete a family tree so they will not forget their ancestors.
10. I will live a life that my children will want to imitate.

Happy New Year,
Mocha Dad

Question: What are your 2009 resolutions?

Tags: building camelot, children, father, new year, resolution

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is “soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby

I can fully relate to this quote. Dads aren’t usually the recipients of top-notch presents. I can’t complain too much though because my kids’ budgets limited them to dollar store Christmas shopping. However, to influence the process, I visited the store beforehand, painstakingly selected a few CDs that I wanted, placed them in a conspicuous location, and asked my wife, K, to guide the kids towards them. After several minutes in the store, K brought the kids back to the van with a despondent look on her face.

“Let me say sorry in advance,” she said. “I tried to convince them to purchase the items you wanted, but they had their own ideas.”

On Christmas day, Nee and N were eager for me to open my gifts. Both sat wide-eyed with anticipation. I opened my daughter’s gift first. She got me a “Chico and the Man” DVD. I don’t know why she selected this particular show. What is it about me that made her think that I would enjoy a sitcom about a cranky old, Jewish mechanic and a twenty-something Chicano? I haven’t seen an episode of “Chico and the Man” in at least 25 years and she’s never even heard of the series.

“Do you like it, daddy?” she asked.

“Of course, I do princess,” I responded and gave her a big hug and kiss.

Next I opened my son’s gift. He watched with a huge, cheesy grin as I removed the wrapping paper to discover a remote control car.

“Do you like it,” he asked.

“Sure, son,” I replied.

“Can I play with it?”

“I thought you got it for me?

“I did, but I want to play with it too.”

I placed some batteries in the car and handed it over to him. I haven’t seen it since.

At least I still have my DVD. I’m sure that no one will want to borrow that gift.

Loooking goood!
Mocha Dad

Question: Did you get any “dad” gifts this Christmas?

Tags: bill cosby, chico and the man, christmas, dollar store, gift, remote control car, soap on a rope

Here’s a bit for Wednesday Wisdom for the holidays:

“A man goes from believing in Santa Claus, to not believing in Santa Claus, to being Santa Claus.”

Merry Christmas!

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Tags: christmas, father, Santa claus

Last week I attended the funeral of my friend Martin’s father, Andrew L. Jefferson Jr. He was the first black state district judge in Texas largest county. His legal career took him from receiving his Law Degree from the University of Texas law school in the 1950s before the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (he was the only black in his class), to judgeships of local civil and criminal courts, to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit in New Orleans.

At the funeral, scores of lawyers, judges, and politicians waxed poetic about Judge Jefferson’s many accomplishments. Every black lawyer in Texas owed a debt to him because he paved the way for them to enjoy the opportunities that they have today. I marveled at how reverently everyone spoke of him. But what surprised me the most was that I didn’t know what a legal giant Judge Jefferson was. To me, he was just Martin’s dad and that is what I admired about him.

I remember going to Martin’s house to watch Mike Tyson fights when we were in high school and college. Judge Jefferson, or Jeff as we called him, would smoke his cigar and relax while the rest of us were hyper over the match. He always had a calm confidence about him and never missed an opportunity to impart some wisdom. He often gave us young men this advice: “If you can’t explain it to your mama, don’t do it.”

After our college graduation ceremony, he took us to one of DC’s top-notch restaurant and bought us a bottle of Dom Pérignon. He did this to teach us that the finer things in life were within our reach as long as we worked hard and persevered.

Despite the demands of his job, he rarely brought work home because he wanted to spend that time totally devoted to his family.

“Everyone around town knows him as one of the great lawyers in the city, but he was my dad,” my friend Martin said in an interview with the Houston Chronicle. “That was what was so important. I loved him very much.”

As much as I was impressed by Judge Jefferson’s professional accomplishments, I was more impressed by his accomplishments as a father.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Have you known anyone who was “just a dad” despite their fame or accomplishments?

Tags: andrew jefferson, civil rights act, dad, dom perignon, father, judge, new orleans, son, texas, univeristy of texas, us court of appeals

Charles Barkley famously said, “I am not a role model.” The all-star power forward never intended for people to look up to him or follow in his footsteps. All he wanted to do was play basketball. As fathers, we cannot shirk the responsibility of being role models to our children. Like it or not, your children will model your behaviors - good or bad.

Clarence Budington Kelland said:

“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

How are you living your life? What are your children learning by watching you? Are you the man that you want your son to be or your daughter to marry? Are you the role model they need you to be?

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What type of role model was your father?

Tags: charles barkley, children, clarence budington kelland, father, role model

Warning: This blog post contains graphic descriptions of hookers, carriers, and hangers

Our family has a Christmas tradition of decorating the tree together. This year we were especially excited about it because it was the baby’s first Christmas and our first Christmas in our new house.

My first task was to purchase a new Christmas tree. Eleven years of marriage and three moves had turned our tree into an artificial version of Charlie Brown’s tree. After spending a whole day searching for the perfect tree with four children (we had an extra one in tow), our quest finally ended at Wal-Mart. When I got the tree home, my wife, K, began installation. We used to build the tree together, but I was sick one year and K figured out that she could complete the task quicker by herself. The instruction sheet explained that the tree could be installed in three easy steps. Twenty difficult steps later the tree was finally complete.

The next day, we gathered the family to begin decorating. K wanted a silver and blue theme for the tree so she bought some lovely glass ornaments. We laid the ornaments on the table and developed an efficient decorating assembly line. My wife placed the hooks on the ornaments, the kids carried them to me, and I placed them on the tree.

My son, N, was so happy that everyone had their own tasks, that he had to label each one. “Daddy is the hanger,” he said. “Nee and I are the carriers and Mommy is the hooker,” My wife and I immediately looked at each other with horror.

“Son, let’s try another name for Mommy,” I said. “Hooker is not a good name.”

“Why not?” asked my daughter. “What’s wrong with hooker?”

“It’s not nice to call a woman a hooker,” she explained. “Let’s just leave it at that.”

They both seemed satisfied with that answer and continued with their assigned decorating tasks. We dodged one bullet, but more were on the way.

As the children carried the ornaments to the tree, K kept reminding them to be careful because they were glass. Before the words were out of her mouth, CRASH! N, dropped an ornament on the tile. We quickly cleaned up and completed the ornament phase. Next up was the garland phase. K bought some elegant glass garland to replace the gold fuzzy stuff we had. I removed it from the box and immediately dropped it. CRASH! Once again we sweep up the glass and resume decorating. K decided to wrap some white ribbon around the tree since the garland had met an early fate. She started wrapping the ribbon around the top of the tree. CRASH! Another ornament lost. She resumed and CRASH! Another one bites the dust. By the time she reached the bottom of the tree, four more ornaments had met their maker.

And to think, I placed the ornaments out of the one year-old’s reach so he wouldn’t break them.

This year, my family learned three valuable lessons about holiday decorating:

1. Nothing is installed in three easy steps
2. Place hooks on ornaments beforehand to eliminate the need for a hooker
3. Don’t use glass ornaments

Stay strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What are your Christmas traditions?

Tags: Charlie Brown, christmas, garland, hooker, ornament, tree, wal-mart

I am starting a new feature on Mocha Dad called Wednesday Wisdom. Each Wednesday, I will post some sage advice about fatherhood in the form of quotes, links, and videos. If you have some wisdom that you’d like to share, please send it to me via e-mail.

The first installment on Wednesday Wisdom is a quote from Frederick Douglass:

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Let me know what you think about statement.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: How do you build strong children?

Tags: children, daddy, father, frederick douglass, men, wednesday, wisdom

During the Thanksgiving holiday, our family started a new tradition. All cooks who are brave enough to step up to the challenge will participate in our annual “Throwdown.” I got the idea from the Food Network show “Throwdown with Bobby Flay.” If you’re not familiar with the show the basic premise is as follows: Food Network identifies chefs around the country with signature dishes and Bobby Flay challenges them with his version of their dishes.

I challenged my mother and mother-in law to a “Sweet Potato Pie Throwdown.” I chose sweet potato pie since this disn was no one’s claim to fame. Everyone had a level playing field. Besides, I wasn’t brave enough to challenge them with their signature dishes. The consequences of my making their dishes better than them would have been quite unpleasant for all involved. 

The Moms were a bit hesitant when I challenged them, but they came around quickly. Throughout the week, I taunted and intimidated them with trash talk. I think my tactics rattled my mother-in-law a bit because she chose to take all of her ingredients to my sister-in-laws house and make her pie in private.

Actually, I was only full of talk because I had never made a pie before. I searched online for a suitable recipe, but none of them struck me as a winning contender. I was discussing my pie dilemma with my wife when out of the blue my daughter says, “Why don’t you try some chocolate on it?” Brilliant!

I made a basic sweet potato pie and then concocted a creamy chocolate rum sauce. I garnished the pie with fresh pecans and drizzled the sauce on top. It was a work of art. There was no way that my pie was going to lose.

After Thanksgiving dinner, each contestant revealed his or her pie. My competition was my mother’s traditional sweet potato pie and my mother-in-law’s Sweet Potato Pecan Pie with Bourbon Sauce.

There were six judges and each got to sample the pies and cast a vote. I tasted both pies and still felt confident that my pie would win. I tried to bribe the judges with an extra slice for some extra assurance, but they weren’t taking the bait.

My sister-in-law counted the votes and announced that the winner of the first annual Throwdown, by a vote of 4-2, was my mother-in-law’s Sweet Potato Pecan Pie with Bourbon Sauce. Of those two votes, one of them was mine and I assumed that the other was my wife’s. Wrong! It turns out that my own wife betrayed me. I felt like Debra (From Everybody Loves Raymond) did when Ray voted for her opponent for school president (A Vote for Debra 2002).

“Her pie was better, what can I say,” was the excuse she gave. If my pie were made of maggots and feces, she should have voted for it. Bottom Line. We may need some marital counseling before next year’s Throwdown.

I took solace in the fact that the children, even though they didn’t have a vote, liked my pie the best. In essence I won the popular vote, but lost the electoral vote. I was the Al Gore of pie.

Anyway, here is the winning recipe.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Tags: al gore, bobby flay, everybody loves raymond, mother, recipe, sweet potato pie, thanksgiving, throwdown

Today is World AIDS Day, a day when individuals and organizations from around the world come together to bring attention to the global AIDS epidemic.

Eradicating AIDS is something that I am passionate about because African Americans are disproportionately affected by this deadly disease. The AIDS epidemic among African Americans in some parts of the United States is as severe as in parts of Africa.

Here are some startling facts about African Americans and HIV/AIDS:

• The HIV/AIDS infection rate among Black men is 6 times that of white men and the rate among Black women is 16 times that of white women
• AIDS now accounts for 1 in 3 deaths among Black men aged 25 to 44
• More children with AIDS are Black than all other race and ethnic groups combined
• Every day in the U.S. about 100 people of color become infected with HIV
• More than two-thirds of all women in the U.S. who are infected with the AIDS virus are Black
• Blacks represent 57% of all new AIDS cases in the United States, though comprising only 13% of the population
• AIDS is the leading cause of death for Black women

If you are an African American, or anyone else for that matter, and have not been tested for HIV, please do so.

The Black AIDS institute has a program designed to test 1 Million African Americans by June 27, 2010.

Also, visit these websites to learn more about the AIDS epidemic and what you can do to help:

• 2008 World AIDS Day
• Black AIDS Institute
• AIDS.gov

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Do you know anyone who has been affected by HIV/AIDS?

Tags: africa, african american, aids, black, children, disease, hiv, men, women, world aids day

I’m always looking for ways to support our heroic service men and women. I just found out about a great program designed to lift our soldiers’ morale during the holidays.

Holiday Mail for Heroes is a partnership between the American Red Cross and Pitney Bowes to deliver one million holiday cards to American service members, veterans and their families in the United States and around the world.

Cards may be sent to the following address:

Holiday Mail For Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456

Please follow these simple guidelines when sending your card to ensure it will quickly reach service members, veterans and their families.

• All cards must be postmarked no later than Wednesday, December 10, 2008. Cards sent after this date will be returned to sender.
• If sending more than one card, please mail all cards together in one large shipping envelope. Cards sent in this manner do not need individual envelopes or postage.
• Ensure that all cards are signed.
• Use generic salutations such as “Dear Service Member.”
  Do not include personal information, like email or home addresses.
• Do not send letters.
• Do not include inserts of any kind, including photos, glitter, confetti, gift cards or calling cards. Any items inserted into cards will be removed during the reviewing process.
• Be sure to affix adequate postage.

This is a great project to involve the kids with. Allow them to create their own original card to send to a service member. Their personal, heartfelt cards will mean a lot to the troops.

If you need any more information, please visit the American Red Cross website.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: Do you have a family member who is serving overseas during the holiday season?

Tags: card, hero, holiday, iraq, mail, pitney bowes, red cross, soliders, troops, united states

I feel quite honored because Mocha Dad has received two awards this month. The first was the “Charming Blog” award and most recently, I received the “Your Blog is Fabulous” award. I would like to thank Kathy Sena, who blogs at Parent Talk Today, for bestowing the honor upon me.

Like most things in life, this award comes with rules. The recipient of the award must:

• Pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.
• List 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
• Copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Here are my Five Fabulous Addictions:

1. My wife, K. She is the most beautiful, caring, and fabulous woman I have ever known. I love her so much and I cannot imagine living my life without her.
2. My kids, Nee, N, and X. Each has a unique personality and I enjoy the daily interactions that we have. My job keeps me on the road for several days each month so I cherish the time I get to spend with them. And they make me laugh with the things that come out of their mouths.
3. Dark chocolate. Eating dark chocolate is such a sensuous experience. Plus it has health benefits. Studies in two prestigious scientific journals say dark chocolate — but not white chocolate or milk chocolate — is good for you.
4. The Office. I love this show because it is so real and it is the funniest sitcom on television.
5. My laptop. It’s not an Apple, but it’ll do until I’m rich enough to afford one. My laptop keeps me connected and informed where ever I am. My wife thinks I spend too much time on my computer and she’s right. I’ll have to start weaning myself off over the next few weeks. Is there a 12 step program for blogging addiction?

To the authors of these Five Fabulous Blogs, I honor you with this award:

1. Tip Dad
2. Rice Daddies - Just as good as mom, but with a Y chromosome
3. Discovering Dad - Learning what it means to be a good dad
4. Wifey’s House
5. The State Of…

Please visit these blogs and tell them Mocha Dad sent you.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: What are your five addictions?

Tags: 12 step program, addictions, apple, award, blog, charming, dark chocolate, discovering dad, fabulous, kathy sena, kids, laptop, parent talk today, rice daddies, the office, tip dad, wife, wifey's house