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7 Traits of Real Men

Photo by: Photofinish2009 via Flickr

Men were made to be bold, strong, leaders. However, our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse.

Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis.

It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way.

If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. I started my journey towards self-improvement after my daughter’s birth. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his daughter is “I want to marry someone just like you.” That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve.

Over the years, I’ve discovered seven traits that real men possess:

  1. Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.
  2. Compassion – Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.
  3. ConfidenceReal men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.
  4. Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.
  5. Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.
  6. Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity.
  7. Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.

Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. However, our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to possess them.

Stay Strong,

Question: In your opnion, what traits should a real man possess?

Popularity: 100% [?]

  • Tara

    I absolutely love the sentiment in this list and would be a proud proud mum if my 7 year old boy grew up with even a handful of these traits.
    I think manners are also important. We seem to have really lost that – especially here in the UK

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    Common courtesy seems to be vanishing across the globe. I teach my children about good manners because it is important.

  • Anonymous

    a dope post
    i do have one disagreement. All men are not supposed to be leaders. Heck, I have even met some leaders who were terrible in that position.

    If anything we want our men to realize their full potential as human beings, not not all are destined to be leaders.

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    Everyone has the potential to be a leader in some capacity. Leadership takes many different forms. We are not all destined to be CEOs, politicians, or community organizers, but we can make a small difference within our realm of influence.

  • http://being-michaels-daddy.blogspot.com jt12blk

    This is a list that all males who wish to be men should print out, frame and hang on their walls at home. Excellent. For me, integrity is the most lacking in today’s society. Not only lacking but even downright derided by most. I would love to see integrity revived as a valued trait.

  • http://naturalpapa.com Derek

    Great post!

    I might add generosity – the willingness to give what you have when it’s needed, especially to those less fortunate than us. Stopping to help someone change a tire or give them a lift, or making it a point to be helpful to those in need. But also generosity of spirit, of emotion and of energy…

    Cheers!

  • http://twitter.com/all_swagga AllSwagga.com

    BRAVO! Another excellent post! Your view on “traits of a real man” is clever and confident. I also like how you incorporated the word “swagger”. Anyway, humility is a powerful attribute for a man to have it demonstrates confidence, and restraint. I agree, let others be out front when it’s time to shine. People are smart they can see who are doing things just to look good. Allow someone to be out front and when it’s time to shine people will witness character. SHHHHH Not so loud, do it without looking for something in return and let others shine.

  • Debbie Happy Maker

    This is wonderful and so very true. Come on real men stand up and be counted. There are many women out there that could learn by this list and stop trying to be men themselves and be who they were meant to be.
    Debbie

  • Storm

    Well written and I agree that those are great qualities of the best men. I am so glad I found your blog.

  • http://texasebeth.blogspot.com Elizabeth

    Respect and/or Dignity – for themselves and others. Ties in with integrity and your other traits in how you treat others and expect to be treated in return.

    Love this list! Am going to print out and take to our Parenting Roundtable at church next Wednesday. These are the qualities I want our son to learn.

  • http://afroniquelyyou.com afroniquely

    Loved this article!! Definitely sharing this one with others :)

    http://afroniquelyyou.com

  • http://aproverbswife.com/ Saidah at AProverbsWife.com

    The traits I value in a man are all of the above but to also include a desire to protect and provide for his family at all cost. I am truly blessed to say that my husband possess all of these traits and more. I’m so glad that I stumbled on your corner of the world. This post was a breath of fresh air.

  • Pankaj

    Real dads know where to stop with i-things…i pod, i pad, i phone—-gadgets et all. They’re in control of technology and not the other way round.

    Great article!

  • Anonymous

    Oh wow, no way dude that is just WAY too cool!

    http://www.real-privacy.ua.tc

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/IOMNM56IR2ABG6ZIFAWCVRLJDQ Nick

    Being virtuous doesn’t make you a man, doing whatever the fuck you want and having people be ok with it is what a REAL man is made out of.

    Tiger woods needs to take notice, he lost his man card when he apologized to the public instead of basking in the glory of it.

    • Sgt_Jake

      I think the word your looking for is “narcissist”, not “man”.

    • hilltop

      Imagine a tribe where the born king could do whatever he wanted and have whomever’s wife he wanted whenever he pleased and could demand food and set the laws. Then imagine a humble hunter/gatherer in the same village who helps cook at the evening fireside, plays with the children, teaches them skills and virtues, helps those who need it, displays good intention and strength in every gesture. And Nick thinks the king is the dopest guy there. Who do you think the people really respect in this situation? Who will feel more content and gratified and involved with the human condition? The king is a jerk.

  • Fred

    Very well said, and unfortunate that it has to be pointed out!

  • John Doe

    that’s not a man, that’s a slave

  • Joe

    i’d add self-determination and not giving a shit about what society expects a man to be

  • April

    I’m just happy to have stumbled across your blog. Keep doing what you are doing. We need more positivity in our communities, so thanks!

  • Mike

    Wow, you’re a “real man”… seriously.

  • Guest

    That’s not being a MAN, that’s being a DICK.

  • Madre Jose

    This comment alone backs-up the assertions in the first two paragraphs of this article. So many people really do seem to think that men who put others, including their family, first and have the traits listed are “slaves” or whatever.

  • Crbastow

    You hit the nail on the head, I have understood these points for some time. Knowing hte path and walking the path are two different things. Determination and perseverance keeps our sight on the path though.

  • C_cornelp

    By the way you talk, sure seems you are a real man. Bad language and vulgarity sure sets a trait of being such a man.
    Perhaps a little less vulgar and you might get there.

  • http://decksidethoughts.blogspot.com Cheryl

    This is truly a genderless list. If all of us could strive to be less self-involved and more outwardly tuned, we’d be the humans we all have the potential to be. Most importantly, the world would be a far better place for our children.

  • Judd

    If you’re a dad, you were meant to be a leader. Period. We need to listen to folks like Mochadad and man up!

    • Anonymous

      there are plenty of horrible dads and plenty of leaders who are horrible dads.

      Like I stated in my previous comment, I agree with Mocha Dad but disagree with him on the point about leaders. A good number of folks are just meant to be followers. plain and simple. While I would like my children to be leaders in their field, I am realistic and know that not all of them will be.

      @Mochadad, everyone has the potential but doesn’t mean they are destined to lead. It’s just like there are people who have the natural gift of singing but never record an album or people who are mega intelligent but never teach a class. read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers.”

      my whole point is that we should be realistic. teach the babies everything we can and make sure they have the access to places and networks and ideas we never even fathomed. at the end of the day however, they still make their decisions.

  • Marty

    Great post and I couldn’t agree more. I was fortunate enough to have a father who instilled these values in us and so much of the man and father I have become is due to him. My wife and I are raising three boys and I see it as one my most important responsibilities to pass along these values as my father did – by example.

  • bob

    @nick you suck at life

  • Joe

    This list should have 8 traits. Its missing faith. But thanks for posting this it seems now a days most men are morally empty .

    • Mohsen Mofedi

      Faith is a mixture of all those above and the ability to stay in manners in hard parts of life that would break any man’s back.

  • Lee

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    -Robert A. Heinlein

    • Milesthe1

      Really like your comment

    • Lance Chambers

       From a SF book called Time Enough for Love a truly brilliant work my a master story teller about what it is to be a real man – yesterday, today and tomorrow.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/IOMNM56IR2ABG6ZIFAWCVRLJDQ Nick

    Yep, the self made kind that owns multiple businesses and travels wherever I want, whenever I want

    • Brainiac

      Sometimes when you win, you really lose.

  • bob

    @nick that makes you a man. I feel really bad for you.

  • Hamo_bu

    Great list. Perhaps bravery and integrity should go together. I would also not say that confidence has to do with people noticing you when you walk into the room. that would go against humility. Confidence to me is knowing what you are doing and what you are talking about. When I talk about my profession, I am confident because I am good at my job and I know what I am talking about. When the topic of conversation is gardening, I listen to the ones who seem to know what they are talking about since I have no clue about gardening.

  • Hamo_bu

    Why faith? I see nothing good about faith.

  • Hamo_bu

    To add one more thing; Confidence without knowledge to back it up is just arogance.

  • Hamo_bu

    I think that compassion would cover that

  • Positivetestosterone

    Apparently Nick you are skilled at being a fucktard, since being a fucktard has never been in style for men we suggest you follow the prescribed suggestions above, have a nice day.

    A Real Man

  • Zer0ed77

    Morality?

  • Guest

    So how would you change this list for a “real woman”?

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    I’d have to give it some deeper consideration, but I think these traits are universal.

  • http://aproverbswife.com/ Saidah at AProverbsWife.com

    But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. (or unbeliever) — 1 Timothy 5:8 King James Bible

    John…only cowards hide behind anonymous comments. Your opinion of my comment is of no consequence, just know that God’s word applies to both the righteous and unrighteous. If you have the impression that providing for you family is a slave master relationship then you have been exposed to a terrible representation of marriage.

    As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord which includes my husband standing in his rightful place as protector, provider ad head of my household.

    • Ender003

      Why is an invisible,imaginary being necessary.

  • http://twitter.com/STRONGFathersME Strong Fathers

    In my work with fathers, I do an exercise where we talk about how we learned to be a man, and what a real man is. And as the exchange from some of the commenters who are scoffing at your list, shows, these are not at the top of the list, though they do often appear (or items close to these).

    For many men, things like compassion, self-control (as you define it) and humility are the same as weakness. In their lives, those thins make you vulnerable, make you a target and sometimes a victim. So it’s easy to understand the desire to keep some of that at arm’s length.

    The second part of the activity is to define what it means to be a good parent. So much of what we understand to be a good parent conflicts or is challenged by our understanding of real manitude. I have yet to meet a man who didn’t want to be a great parent for his kids. A lot are not sure how to reconcile Manhood/Parenthood, but they want the best for their kids and want to do what they can to give them what they need.

    Thanks for another great post, see in the twitterverse.

    Brian
    @STRONGFathersME

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    I’d be interested to know what are the most popular items that the guys in your class list.

    I agree that many men scoff at these traits because they don’t want to be seen as weak, but I’ve learned over the years that it takes great courage and strength of character to display these traits.

    I grew up in a tough neighborhood where it was dangerous to display these traits. Therefore, I had to develop a hardcore persona in order to survive. After seeing many of my friends fall victim to violence, I realized that all of my macho posturing would lead to my demise.

    I learned that being a man meant being true to myself and true to what’s right despite what other people thought.

  • Guest

    wow, a blog with actual substance? :) I really like this post…I wish this was required reading for all high school students. It’s very hard for young men to figure out what “manhood” is today, what with all the fake ideals that are floating around out there (50 cent is manhood, realty show behaviour is manhood, etc.). So much of what passes for men today are really grown adults acting like boys..

    Keep writing, like your stuff!

  • Tardigrade

    I like your points and they make a lot of sense for any man, but it’s obvious not all men can be leaders, except in very small settings, like their families, if even there.

    Work requires that most do stuff instead of leading and talking. Sadly though, doing is not appreciated nearly as much as leading. To be a real man is also very much a matter of compromising on influence and the bigger picture.

    Not everyone can be king.

  • Christyna

    I agree. If all of us were to strive to cultivate these traits within ourselves and our children, the world would be a much better place. Thank you for the post. It was a great way to start my day.

  • Arteris

    Actually faith is a very valuable trait. Be it in something or someone spiritual, or just faith in oneself and their family, especially their partner.

    I don’t think it’s impossible to lead a life without faith, but it can help as an anchor for people to hold on through rough times.

    • Hamo_bu

      I think you are stretching the definition of the word faith. Faith in my wife, faith in myself and faith in supernatural are three totally different things.

  • SSG_Snuffy

    I work for a values-based organization… their list of values includes Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. All of these add up (in the form of an acronym) to Leadership.

    Obviously, it is not a complete list – I like yours better in certain areas – but I think that these are also things that a man (or any citizen, really) should aspire to.

  • SSG_Snuffy

    I work for a values-based organization… their list of values includes Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. All of these add up (in the form of an acronym) to Leadership.

    Obviously, it is not a complete list – I like yours better in certain areas – but I think that these are also things that a man (or any citizen, really) should aspire to.

  • Mryddlin

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    -Robert A. Heinlein

    – No fair was going to post the same thing, love that quote

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