7 Traits of Real Men

Photo by: Photofinish2009 via Flickr

Men were made to be bold, strong, leaders. However, our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse.

Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis.

It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way.

If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. I started my journey towards self-improvement after my daughter’s birth. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his daughter is “I want to marry someone just like you.” That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve.

Over the years, I’ve discovered seven traits that real men possess:

Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.
Compassion – Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.
Confidence – Real men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.
Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.
Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.
Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity.
Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.

Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. However, our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to possess them.

Stay Strong,

Question: In your opnion, what traits should a real man possess?

Popularity: 100% [?]

Rcorrino

Yes they can. Even if they are only kings unto themselves; which is what integrity and self control are.

“This above all, to thine own self be true”
– Polonius to Laertes, Hamlet
Carey T. O’Soup

As a father and husband coming from a minority community (within Canada and First Nations/Aboriginal) it seems that there are a lot of similarities between the black community in the US and the aboriginal population here in Canada. All the points listed in the article hold true in the aboriginal community. Especially with the rise of gangs and the incarceration and unemployment rates of aboriginals in Canada. I feel that if young men are going to grow into healthy men they must be taught these traits but it is difficult due to the adoption of the negative virtues that arise out of the cycle of poverty and dependence. At our band office over 80% of the employees are female. Young aboriginal men must step up to the plate!
Modolk2

Good article! A lot of those traits are really diminishing nowadays, but i’m glad someone still has some class!
Loki

I think you have pretty much nailed it…I note the commenter who said faith was missing…I think faith is contributed to by several of the ones you have listed. As the father of two young daughters I think all the items on the list are vital….
@Lee, I am a little nonplussed by some of what you have listed….agree re: diaper (take care of your kids), balance accounts (ditto), write a sonnet and so on, but ‘conn a ship’? ‘Die gallantly’? Personally I hope to die in bed without regrets, too much pain & surrounded by my family without worries for their future after I pass on….I suppose if I HAD to die in battle etc. I would want to go gallantly though, at least with equanamity.
Darcysautelet

You are so very right with your 7 traits. And the men of this country need to once again learn these traits. Men no longer leave a legacy in this country. What can future generations say their father or grandfather left to them? Not homes built with their hands, nor fields tilled with their sweat, not decency, not values…nothing. I agree with the other poster…a blog with substance. Your family is very lucky to have you. Find me a clone.
Aienthiwan

You can have strong morals and be a genuinely good human without having a sliver of faith.

Breezybest

There are other types of faith that has nothing to do with “religious” faith. You have to have faith in yourself in order to be confident, you should have faith in your spouse, family, friends, etc. in order to really love them because without faith, there can be no trust. It IS impossible to have a happy, contented, and succussful life without faith. Faith is the assurance that what we hope for will come about and the certainty that what we cannot see exists. We’d all be stepping off cliffs to our deaths without faith that gravity exists even though we can’t “see” it…see my point? Faith is necessary to human life, even if it isn’t the type that has to do with the belief in our awesome God.

Jaak

Thanks! I’ma copaste this.
wally wally

Your statement is true but don’t think that because someone doesn’t believe in faith that faith itself hasn’t shape their moral character. I doubt you can find any atheists who’s moral character was shaped totally in a vacuum.

Hamo_bu

Well you are asking someone to prove you wrong. If you are claiming that faith is the basis for all of morality than the burden of proof is on you.

By the way, I grew up in a communist country without any religious guidance, I became a Muslim and then I went back to atheism. Having learned later what Christians believe I had to exclaim:

“You have to be kidding me”

There does not appear to be a shred of common sense in the Christian religion. God had a son, had him killed in the most common execution method of that time and this is why Christian criminals will go to heaven and Buddhist monks that refrain from harming all living creatures will go to hell. Are you kidding me!

Why doesn’t God just forgive people’s sins. After all, sin is just a debt to God. It does not take a God to forgive the debt. If I was your local loan shark, and you owed me money, I could break your knees or I could forgive your debt. What I obviously wouldn’t do is break my son’s knees and then have you kiss up to him to have your debt forgiven.

I was arguing with a Christian about a year ago and to prove a point he sent me a quote from the bible. In that quote among other things Jesus also said to those around him: Some of you here with me will live to see the end of the world. How can people ignore this glaring proof that bible is wrong. I have a feeling that if bible were to say: “don’t believe a single word we are telling you, everything in this book is wrong”, people would still rationalize it somehow.
Mark

then again, you can’t find anyone whose anything was shaped totally in a vacuum.
The Dalai Lama (among others) has written of the non religious origins of ethics, including of the ethics that became incorporated in all religions and are held in common between various faiths and non faith based value systems.
Mark

then again, you can’t find anyone whose anything was shaped totally in a vacuum.
The Dalai Lama (among others) has written of the non religious origins of ethics, including of the ethics that became incorporated in all religions and are held in common between various faiths and non faith based value systems.

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Haiderlaghari

The people who crashed the twin towers had a lot of faith. and I’m a muslim saying that
Farley_ys

If all men have this traits, how wonderful life is, there would not be broken homes, comparison between men and women. Lucky for me that i have a man who have this traits…
farley_ys

How i wish men in general and even women have all this traits, how wonderful life is…. Lucky for me that my man have this traits…
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Lonnie

Great post sir. I will save this for my son when he is old enough to understand. Right next to Kipling’s “If”
http://www.makesmewannaholler.com EPayne

It takes integrity, compassion, confidence, self-control, perseverance, bravery and humility to write such a clear, simple, poignant and transparent piece. Manhood is not easy by any means, but if manhood thrives on anything, it definitely thrives on principle. These are some great principles.
Anonymous

What you’re describing is how to be a good human being and has absolutely nothing to do with men or women.
http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

Sounds like the 7 Virtues. Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility. It’s true for men and women alike.
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Hans

An 8th trait to consider.

Reflection: The ability to look at the trials one has passed or is passing through as they persevere, and dig deep for the lessons as they look inward for the source of the struggles seen outwardly.

Also, your definition of compassion is so good that I contemplated it for a bit. As I did I thought it might be useful to say “appropriate service” in the italicized portion as it is so hard at times to not throw ourselves at a problem looking for a solution with no regard to who the person or people are that we are “helping”. It is easy to enable, and move on while cheating a person or group of people out of a valuable lesson derived from a set of circumstances we can likely never completley understand. In trying to understand though we can learn together and connect at a much deeper level.
B. jackson

Best one yet mochadad!!!
Sheliza

Very nicely written and I fully agree with you!
Chef Bear

AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME BLOG!!!! I am going to send a link for this page to everyone I know! I agree, a REAL MAN should have all of these traits… one I think that was missed however is LOVE. Although implied with some of the other traits I think this one is just as important by itself. I am talking of Love for god (or whatever “higher power” you personally beleive in), family (to many folks walking away from their responsabilities and continuing the “train wreck of self proclaimed “real men”), community (from your block to the entire country and even the worl), for your fellow man/woman and love for the special person that completes you. No man can be complete alone, man needs woman and vice-versa, even in the case of homosexuals,although I personally do not agree with the choice a man needs that “other half”. Also important for a man is to love himself, not in a conceted way, but you cannot be a REAL MAN if you don’t like the man in the mirror when you shave! The love of ones self will also flow into the other aspects of love, it will also influence the other traits both positively and negatively if it is not there. Example- compassion requires love on some level

Very good topic that seems to have been placed “on the back burner” these days! Feep writing brother, I will keep reading!
Anonymous

Great article! I’m going to share it on Facebook.
Wontreadit2

This is a really well thought out post.
http://www.thebadbreathcures.com Defarati

Great post. i really like the part about, integrity and confidence. i cant stand those that play to the crowd or lead people on just to achieve their own goals. or worse, those that pick on or use people because it will get them where they want.
keep writing this kinda stuff
panda

im glad some others think like me also in this regard… i think its very true tht men today are lost and ‘real man’ needs to come back … i’m 22 and am starting on this journey to become a great one someday… but over the course, i’m experiencing/encoutered two problems:

1) there’s a huuuge percent of women who just keep man-bashing even if they do it as a joke… point being their mentality is very negative abt man… this kind of attitude angers/saddens me ….how do you deal with these women??

2) to become a man will be a loong tedious journey especially in this world…. to do it, us men would have to consciously put ourselves through hell to get there … now my thing is women shld also change themselves quite extensively to catch up as women of today, i find, are immature, lack self respect and are an absolute insult to femininity which is quite tragic so while us men are going through this journey, women should also take a good hard look at themselves and fix themselves….
Srd3221

This is a great post. There is nothing better than a great woman to compliment a real man. Because even real men make mistakes because we can’t shake that title of man. Humanity is flawed and will always make mistakes, so it takes a real woman to recognize a real man and forgive him when he stumbles and isn’t being a real man at that moment. It is so hard to be a real man in today’s society because our culture is pulling every part of our being in the exact opposite way.

http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

Yes, real men need real women. No one can make it alone.

http://gracefulldays.blogspot.com Nosyrosysweetpea

Well said.
Catherine Finlayson

Bravo – well-put, a must-read and must-pass-on to everyone even the population without children to raise.
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http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UWRYM3U2AED7CBRXMF3FSE2AT4 Matthew

I remember in high school English being required to memorize Rudyard Kipling’s “If”

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…

While it is ubiquitous and maybe overused, it has always stuck with me as a template for what it means to be a man.

http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

I remember this poem well. It is a great template for life.

Keith

This is a great lesson for parents, whether new or old. I can certainly use a refresher on some of these concepts myself. Thank you for taking the time to post it. Like a previous poster said, I wish this was required reading in school. Outstanding work!

Keith
http://www.home-dad.net
Amanda

Faith. A belief in a power higher then himself. A fathers greatest job is to teach his children security, significance, and strength. And without a belief in God, he cannot accomplish this.
G Bailey

I had chills as I read this post. To add the most important trait: Real men are men of faith–that gives them the rationale and strength for the other 7 traits.
http://twitter.com/mickeycoutts mickey coutts

I think you’re right about these. Unfortunately, there are far too many men in our society today that think a real man is almost the exact opposite, especially regarding excess (sex, money, and/or drugs).
David Frederick Pugh

Well stated…here, here for the real men in so many of us. Subscribing to these seems so immediately understandable & therefore a given. Acquiring these is the journey that is to be. Wonderful to know that the world still bears the teachers, students & ministers such as you seem to be my unknown friend.
http://twitter.com/DianaCarreiro Diana Carreiro

Amazing post. I’m a new fan!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Clayton-Henry/1356587016 Clayton Henry

I have always live on the principle “moderation in everything.” All these trait are necessary in some level; we should try to carry all of these trait and strenghten them as we grow. We should never be dormant in self improvement; alway seek to improve everyday and make these traits stronger. Exercise these trait as you exercise your muscle and your mind and ones quest to be a “real man” is inevitable!
Rustie

Maybe you’re looking for the wrong things!
Aislinn

Mocha Dad, thank you for writing this! I was just floating around the internet, looking into the popular concept of what it means to be a “real man” for a piece on gender studies. There’s some scary stuff out there – yikes! Your piece was a breath of fresh air.

I also agree with the previous comment that this is ultimately a genderless list – that no matter who you are, having these traits will serve your well-being and that of the people around you.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003026153890 Plumster Howard

Man oh man it’s like i were somehow linked to the original author!!!!!