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The Ultimate Player

While I was lying in bed watching TV, my 6-year-old son, N, walked into my bedroom carrying his game case.

“Daddy,” he said. “Will you play checkers with me?”

“Sure, son.” I said. “Set up the board.” After hearing my response, my 8-year-old daughter, Nee, ran to my bedside.

“Daddy,” she complained. “Why don’t you ever play checkers with me?”

“Because you never ask,” I said. N always asks for whatever he wants. Sometimes he asks incessantly. Nee on the other hand rarely asks for what she wants and gets upset when we grant some of N’s requests.

photo by MrPessimist via Flickr

“Can I play the winner?” she asked.

“Of course you can, dear,” I said.

N jumped on on my bed and set up the pieces. Nee sat beside him to offer him some sideline coaching. The game was going fine until N started cheating. He often resorts to cheating when he is losing. I told N that I would not play with a cheater. He immediately stopped, but started lamenting the fact that he was losing.

“Daddy,” he complained. “You always beat me. I never win.”

“Keep playing,” I said. “You’ll get better.”

The game ended with my king taking his last checker.

“My turn,” yelled Nee. She set up the board and we commenced. Nee made a few strategic moves that impressed me and I let her know that she was playing well.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I know you’re going to win.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I said. “If you keep playing like that you might win.” I never lose to my kids on purpose, but this time I decided to let Nee win to give her a confidence boost. When she earned her first king, I knew that she was feeling good about herself. She started picking off my checkers one-by-one.

I was down to my last checker and Nee had two kings and several other pieces left on the board. I moved my checker into her king’s path and watched as she joyful grabbed the victory.

Both kids were shocked that I lost. N had to let his mother know about this stunning turn of events.

“Mommy, mommy,” N yelled. “Nee just beat the ultimate player.”

Stay Strong,

Question: Do you ever intentionally let your kids win games?

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  • http://www.feuzareis.com Feuza

    Great post, I have 2 boys and they are 3 and 5, little one is feisty so I do let them win sometimes, because they are so young and it is just for fun but more and more I am teaching them that win or lose they are still great and it is important to play and to try hard etc. Just bought pre-school Candyland version and 5 year old got sent back quite a few steps and I said I am sorry, he said that’s okay mommy, thought it was so grown up of him. :-) he was just happy to be playing

  • http://www.feuzareis.com Feuza

    Great post, I have 2 boys and they are 3 and 5, little one is feisty so I do let them win sometimes, because they are so young and it is just for fun but more and more I am teaching them that win or lose they are still great and it is important to play and to try hard etc. Just bought pre-school Candyland version and 5 year old got sent back quite a few steps and I said I am sorry, he said that’s okay mommy, thought it was so grown up of him. :-) he was just happy to be playing

  • Monise Seward

    You raise a good question. I have 3 kids: 14, 8, and 6. My oldest is not into sports but my two girls are (Thank God). We spend our Saturdays in the fall watching college football and then we segue into the NFL season. This may seem like an unusual activity for the girls, but I grew up in Indiana and almost every girl I knew played a sport..it’s just what we did. To a degree, I have a competitive edge but it is not something I make known to everyone; I guess my streak is on the Q.T. When I coached high school volleyball, the hardest thing I had to do was convince the girls that it was ‘o.k.’ to be aggressive and tough on the court, but then return to their usual, quiet selves after the match/practice. Eventually, they all got it!

    I say this to say: It is important that we teach our kids about winning and losing. I think both are equally important, especially the lessons that can come from losing, e.g., determination, practice, perseverance, etc. This is a lesson that I worked on with my youngest. She use to get upset about losing and would cry/pout. I explained that she would get better is SHE wanted to but it would take practice. I also explained that there are things she does better than others, like playing the piano. She is a natural talent and does not have to study at all. My neighbor bought the kids a Wii-like game for Christmas and Lil Serena is a beast! We played the best of seven and she kicked my butt six times! I didn’t let her win because I know that in life, no one lets you win. You have to work for what you want!

    (Glad I got to elaborate here because 140 characters is just not enough!)

  • Monise Seward

    You raise a good question. I have 3 kids: 14, 8, and 6. My oldest is not into sports but my two girls are (Thank God). We spend our Saturdays in the fall watching college football and then we segue into the NFL season. This may seem like an unusual activity for the girls, but I grew up in Indiana and almost every girl I knew played a sport..it’s just what we did. To a degree, I have a competitive edge but it is not something I make known to everyone; I guess my streak is on the Q.T. When I coached high school volleyball, the hardest thing I had to do was convince the girls that it was ‘o.k.’ to be aggressive and tough on the court, but then return to their usual, quiet selves after the match/practice. Eventually, they all got it!

    I say this to say: It is important that we teach our kids about winning and losing. I think both are equally important, especially the lessons that can come from losing, e.g., determination, practice, perseverance, etc. This is a lesson that I worked on with my youngest. She use to get upset about losing and would cry/pout. I explained that she would get better is SHE wanted to but it would take practice. I also explained that there are things she does better than others, like playing the piano. She is a natural talent and does not have to study at all. My neighbor bought the kids a Wii-like game for Christmas and Lil Serena is a beast! We played the best of seven and she kicked my butt six times! I didn’t let her win because I know that in life, no one lets you win. You have to work for what you want!

    (Glad I got to elaborate here because 140 characters is just not enough!)

    • Mocha Dad

      Thanks for your detailed comment. I plan to use some of your techniques with my daughter.

  • http://www.daddygeekboy.com Daddy Geek Boy

    My oldest is 4, so we’re playing games like Candyland where throwing the game isn’t really possible. However, when it comes to the Wii, sometimes I let him win and sometimes I don’t. It’s okay for him to learn about losing–especially against me his dad, who won’t gloat about it. Much.

  • http://www.daddygeekboy.com Daddy Geek Boy

    My oldest is 4, so we’re playing games like Candyland where throwing the game isn’t really possible. However, when it comes to the Wii, sometimes I let him win and sometimes I don’t. It’s okay for him to learn about losing–especially against me his dad, who won’t gloat about it. Much.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    I’m sure Kay-Em had a real good laugh.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    I’m sure Kay-Em had a real good laugh.

  • http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com Que

    That is great! I just recently questioned that myself. I would love you to take a peak at how I chose to handle the situation. Here are two post I have tackling the “issue”.

    http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com/2010/01/playing-to-win-or-just-plain-playing.html

    http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com/2010/02/4-year-old-goes-from-student-to-master.html

  • http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com Que

    That is great! I just recently questioned that myself. I would love you to take a peak at how I chose to handle the situation. Here are two post I have tackling the “issue”.

    http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com/2010/01/playing-to-win-or-just-plain-playing.html

    http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com/2010/02/4-year-old-goes-from-student-to-master.html

  • http://shenaniganist.wordpress.com stealthnerd

    I have to admit, I used to try and cheat at board games when I was little :( Terrible, no? Of course, my grandpa would NEVER let me get away with that. My grandma on the other hand, totally would, and she almost always let me win.

  • http://shenaniganist.wordpress.com stealthnerd

    I have to admit, I used to try and cheat at board games when I was little :( Terrible, no? Of course, my grandpa would NEVER let me get away with that. My grandma on the other hand, totally would, and she almost always let me win.

    • Mocha Dad

      Didn’t your grandfather teach you that cheaters never win?

  • http://www.shawnann.org Shawn Ann

    I have to admit that I do let our son win, sometimes. I do this because it’s cute as all can be to see the glory on his face when he wins. However, I don’t always let him win because it won’t teach him to do better, plus it’s just as cute to see him pout (one of these days I will get the video of him losing to my brother on the Wii posted on my site – maybe this weekend).

    Anyway, good for you for letting Nee win, just because you can!

  • http://www.shawnann.org Shawn Ann

    I have to admit that I do let our son win, sometimes. I do this because it’s cute as all can be to see the glory on his face when he wins. However, I don’t always let him win because it won’t teach him to do better, plus it’s just as cute to see him pout (one of these days I will get the video of him losing to my brother on the Wii posted on my site – maybe this weekend).

    Anyway, good for you for letting Nee win, just because you can!

  • http://www.daybreakservices.com/blog Shannon

    My 8 year old is highly competitive and until recently would tear up if I beat him in basketball, Wii, checkers or anything else. On rare occasions I will let him beat me..but I want him to understand that losing does not have to result in total defeat. He is getting better at learning this concept as well as getting better in beating me.

  • http://www.daybreakservices.com/blog Shannon

    My 8 year old is highly competitive and until recently would tear up if I beat him in basketball, Wii, checkers or anything else. On rare occasions I will let him beat me..but I want him to understand that losing does not have to result in total defeat. He is getting better at learning this concept as well as getting better in beating me.

    • Mocha Dad

      My kids are terrible losers. I have to keep teaching them the proper way to handle defeat.

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter

    I have never been called the ultimate player, and probably never will. I am jealous.

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter

    I have never been called the ultimate player, and probably never will. I am jealous.

    • Mocha Dad

      I’m only the ultimate player where checkers are concerned. Not in the Tiger Woods sense of the word.

  • http://www.hotchocolatecaramelmocha.com Stesha

    We try to teach them that win or lose, it’s how you play the game. Think smart and play hard.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  • http://www.hotchocolatecaramelmocha.com Stesha

    We try to teach them that win or lose, it’s how you play the game. Think smart and play hard.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  • http://getofftheground.blogspot.com/ Kevin W. Grossman

    My sister used to cheat, beg, borrow and steal to beat me in board games. Dang.

    I let her kids win when they were younger, though. And I’m sure I’ll do the same with Bea and Bryce.

    After I win, win, win!

  • http://getofftheground.blogspot.com/ Kevin W. Grossman

    My sister used to cheat, beg, borrow and steal to beat me in board games. Dang.

    I let her kids win when they were younger, though. And I’m sure I’ll do the same with Bea and Bryce.

    After I win, win, win!

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    My husband Alex taught my granddaughter Abbey to play “Rock Paper Scissors” and she won. She not only won but they were playing for money so that was even worse. He’s a sucker for kids. (You might be too, MD!)

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    My husband Alex taught my granddaughter Abbey to play “Rock Paper Scissors” and she won. She not only won but they were playing for money so that was even worse. He’s a sucker for kids. (You might be too, MD!)

    • Mocha Dad

      I am a big softie.

  • http://getalonghome.com Cindy

    Aw! My husband loves to play chess with our oldest, and never lets him win. I hope the boy (and your kids!) realize that their dad is doing them a huge favor making them win their games fair and square! I can’t wait until my kids are all old enough to beat daddy!
    .-= Cindy´s last blog ..Contests Today =-.

  • http://getalonghome.com Cindy

    Aw! My husband loves to play chess with our oldest, and never lets him win. I hope the boy (and your kids!) realize that their dad is doing them a huge favor making them win their games fair and square! I can’t wait until my kids are all old enough to beat daddy!
    .-= Cindy´s last blog ..Contests Today =-.

  • http://www.uberoom.com/romantic-rooms-1/ Bryan

    Nee needs to learn that when you want something in life, the first thing to do is ask for it. She’ll be surprised how often she gets it. This is a lesson I learned later than sooner as well.

    Bryan

  • http://www.uberoom.com/romantic-rooms-1/ Bryan

    Nee needs to learn that when you want something in life, the first thing to do is ask for it. She’ll be surprised how often she gets it. This is a lesson I learned later than sooner as well.

    Bryan

  • Me

    my man hardly ever lets the kids win and eventually they get bored and don’t want to play any more, while I agree that kids need to learn to lose ( i think a big problem with modern children is receiving everything they want too easily) I also feel allowing them to win every so often keeps them interested in learning how to be a better player.

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