Usually, my wife, KayEm, gets the kids ready for school in the morning. But on a few occasions, I handle the this task. Based on my experiences, I’ve realized that things don’t go as smoothly for Daddy.
6:45 a.m. – I enter Nee’s bedroom to wake her up. She lifts her head off the pillow and asks, “Daddy, what are you doing here?”
“I’m taking you to the bus stop this morning,” I say. “It’s time to ready, sweetheart.”
Nee looks around the room and says, “It’s too early, Daddy.” “What do you mean it’s too early?” I asked. “What time do you usually get up?” I ask
“I don’t wake up until 7:30,” she says.
“7:30?” I ask incredulously. “That’s too late. I’ll give you 15 more minutes to sleep.” She’s already dozing before I can complete my sentence.
6:50 a.m. – I let dog out of crate.
6:52 a.m. – Dog decides she doesn’t want to go outside. Instead she sits underneath the kitchen table.
6:55 a.m. – Dog finally exits house.
6:56 a.m. – I check work e-mail
6:57 a.m. – I wonder why I’ve received 5 e-mail messages since 6:30 a.m. Don’t these people ever sleep?
7:05 a.m. – I go back upstairs to get the kids.
7:06 a.m. – N jumps out of bed and gives me a big hug. “Where’s Mommy,” he asks.
“Mommy’s resting,” I say. “Now wash your face, brush your teeth and get dressed.” I have to specifically mention each item because they wouldn’t get done if I didn’t.
7:08 a.m. – Nee grunts and drags herself out of bed. I give her the same instructions.
7:09 a.m. – With the morning routine started, I go back downstairs to the kitchen.
7:10 a.m. – KayEm enters kitchen and turns on oven. “What are you doing in here,” I ask. “Shouldn’t you be resting?”
“I have to make pizza rolls for the kids’ lunch,” she says.
7:12 a.m. – I escort KayEm back to the bedroom and tell her I’ll take care of the pizza rolls.
7:15 a.m. – Dog starts barking.
7:16 a.m. – I ignore dog.
7:17 a.m. – Oven beeps to indicate desire temperature has been reached.
7:18 a.m. – I ignore oven
7:19 a.m. – Nee comes downstairs. “Hi, Daddy,” she says. “Where’s Mommy?”
“Mommy’s resting,” I repeat.
7:20 a.m. – KayEm returns to cook the pizza rolls. “I told you I’d do it,” I say.
“Okay,” she says. “Make sure you use the bag that’s already opened. And cook a couple of chicken nuggets for X.”
7:21 a.m. – I escort KayEm back to the bedroom.
7:22 a.m. – I remove pizza rolls from freezer and place on cookie sheet.
7:23 a.m. – N comes downstairs carrying his socks and belt. “Why are we eating pizza rolls for breakfast he asks?’
“These are for your lunch,” I say.
7:24 a.m. – I place pizza rolls in oven and set timer.
7:25 a.m. – KayEm peeks head out of bedroom to ask how long I set the timer for.
“10 minutes,” I say. “Just as the instructions recommend.”
“Okay,” she says and closes the bedroom door.
7:26 a.m. – I instruct Nee to make breakfast for herself and her brother.
7:27 a.m. – Nee informs me that making breakfast is my job.
7:28 a.m. – I inform Nee that she can make breakfast or go to school hungry.
7:29 a.m. – Nee gathers cereal boxes, bowls and milk.
7:30 a.m. – N tells us that he only eats Cheerios without milk.
7:31 a.m. – Nee and N argue about Cheerios situation.
7:33 a.m. – I finally intervene and allow N to eat dry Cheerios.
7:34 a.m. – Oven timer rings.
7:35 a.m. – I remove pizza rolls from oven and place pan on counter.
7:36 a.m. – KayEm returns to kitchen. “What are you doing now?” I ask.
“I usually make them some Pop-tarts to go with their cereal,” she says.
“Will you please go back to the bedroom?” I ask.
“Okay, okay,” she says as she places the Pop-Tarts in the toaster.
7:38 a.m. – Dog starts barking again.
7:39 a.m. – I ignore dog
7:40 a.m. – I get Pop-tarts out of toaster and serve to kids.
“What about the icing?” they ask.
7:41 a.m. – I locate icing package and squeeze on Pop-Tarts.
7:42 a.m. – Dog still barking.
7:43 a.m. – I feed dog.
7:45 a.m. – Kids finish breakfast.
7:46 a.m. – I gather hairstyling items and order Nee to sit in chair so I can do her hair.
“No!” she says firmly. “Only Mommy can do my hair.”
7:47 a.m. – I give up on doing Nee’s hair and order N to sit down in the chair.
“Are you going to do my hair like a girl’s?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say.
7:48 a.m. – N jumps out of chair and runs away.
7:49 a.m. – I convince N that I was just kidding and begin to brush his hair.
7:50 a.m. – I realize that N still hasn’t put on socks and belt and order him to do so.
7:51 a.m. – I ask Nee to wrap pizza rolls in foil and place in lunch bags.
7:52 a.m. – I turn around to discover N sucking remnants of icing out of the package. Order him to throw package in trash can.
7:53 a.m. – During the commotion, Nee attempts to give herself more pizza rolls until N sees her.
7:54 a.m. – I divide pizza rolls evenly and tell Nee to proceed with her task.
7:55 a.m. – Remind N to put on his socks and belt.
7:56 a.m. – KayEm returns and prepares to do Nee’s hair.
7:57 a.m. – Nee places pizza rolls in lunch bags and places bags in backpacks.
7:58 a.m. – Nee sits in chair to get hair done.
7:59 a.m. – I notice that N has icing on his face and tell him to get a wet wipe to clean up
8:00 a.m. – N retrieves box of wet wipes and offers one to his sister
8:01 a.m. – Nee and N argue about wet wipes.
8:05 a.m. – KayEm intervenes and ends wet-wipe argument.
8:06 a.m. – N cleans face and finally puts on socks and belt.
8:10 a.m. – KayEm finishes Nee’s hair.
8:11 a.m. – Kids put on shoes, grab backpacks, kiss mommy and dash outside.
8:13 a.m. – Kids argue about seating arrangements in car.
8:14 a.m. – I grit my teeth and tell them to get in the car or else they will have to walk to school.
8:16 a.m. – Arrive at bus stop. Other parents look at me suspiciously. “Where is KayEm,” they ask.
“She’s at home,” I say. “I got the kids ready this morning.” The moms all nod their heads in unison as they inspect the kids.
8:17 a.m. – N falls into the wet grass while chasing his friend. Moms glare at me.
8:20 a.m. – Bus finally arrives.
8:21 a.m. – Nee and N load bus without bothering to say goodbye or give me a hug or kiss
8:23 a.m. – Bus pulls away.
8:24 a.m. – I look over to see Nee blowing me a kiss and waving goodbye.
8:25 a.m. – Everything is right in the world again.
Stay Strong,
Question: What happens during your morning routine?
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t have a morning routine that involves kiddies yet. This was hilarious though. It makes me *really look forward to mornings with kids*. Poor dads don’t get any respect. It’s the trade of for being off the hook for the 10 months that we carry the children. Sorry Pops!
My morning routine is up at 4:00AM, out the door by 4:45, so not seeing the kids at that hour is indeed a good thing!
Try as I may, more often than not my much-better-half sees me to the door…. I do wish she’d sleep in more.
Oh gracious. Yeah. Getting kids ready in the morning is…fun.
Yeah. That’s what it is.
FYI, there’s an award for you over on my blog.
http://diapersanddragons.blogspot.com/2009/11/theyre-awesome-im-brain-dead.html
My morning routine is MUCH like yours only x2 cuz I have 4 kids.
I love the pizza rolls for lunch idea. My 6 yr old is telling me he is bored with a sandwich every day and he loves pizza rolls. I never thought of them for lunch though. Great idea!!
Sounds like my husband’s morning today. He flew back into town late last night and offered to get our daughter and her bus buddy off to school while I went for a run. He had a look of relief on his face when he returned form the bus stop. I’m guessing he was just grateful he survived two little girls all morning.
As much as us us Mom types hate to get out bed in the morning, the sound of kids in the kitchen is like a whale song that pulls us forth from our beds against our will.
I think you did a great job.
I just realized you have changed the place around since I have been gone. I like it.
Oh, this sounds SOO MUCH like what happens at my house every morning. Except I have one that will volunteer to skip breakfast if she’s running late or doesn’t like what’s being offered, so I had to say “You WILL eat breakfast before you go to school”
As of now this is nothing like my mornings, but God willing I may been able to sympathize in a few years.
Wow, that is intense. I suppose that you know can appreciate your wife even more! LOL
We need KayEm to give a time line of her typical morning now.
How much time does she do all that in?
***Other parents look at me suspiciously. “Where is KayEm,” ***
tooo funny!!!!!
I love it. You’re an awesome dad and practice makes perfect.
Mornings are hard! My children go to daycare 2 days a week and we leave early @ 7am – I do the drop off. It is a lot of work, but somehow we make it. Little tricks are what make it work, like setting out clothing the night before. Believe it or not we actually eat breakfast too- as long as everything goes smoothly. That at times is a big “IF”. I would not be able to do it more than the 2 days a week though- that’s for sure!
This is exactly why I could never be a SAHD, I am terrible with mornings. I get to take my daughter to preschool about once a week, and I usually find some way to fail at that (no snack, wrong shoes, etc.)
Oh, my gosh, I’m exhausted just reading this!
Too funny.