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Let’s End Domestic Violence: A Challenge to All Fathers

domesticviolenceOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here are a few domestic violence facts from Click to Empower:

  • Each day in the U.S., three women die as result of domestic violence.
  • More than one in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
  • More than three out of four Americans know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence.

My mother was a victim of domestic violence and by extension so were my sister and I. When the fighting would start, we would curl up in our beds hoping that our mother would be okay. Sometimes, we would run to neighbors’ homes and ask for help, but no one wanted to get involved in domestic disputes. Some of the neighbors literally slammed the doors in our faces.

I can still hear the shrieks and see the violent images. They haunt me. I never want another child to experience this horror. Nor do I want another woman to experience the pain my mother did.

That’s why I want to make plea to all fathers. We can prevent domestic violence by taking the following actions:

Fathers, we are the key to ending domestic violence. Our awareness and leadership will empower our daughters and guide our sons in the right direction. Think about it. Would you want your daughter to be a victim of abuse? Would you want your son to be an abuser?

If you need other resources, you can visit the following websites:

I pledge to do my part to end domestic violence. Will you do the same?

Stay Strong,

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  • http://thedevoteddad.com The Devoted Dad

    MochaDad- If this is a pledge, count me in, I’m signing it!
    Staying Strong!
    -Jason

  • http://thedevoteddad.com The Devoted Dad

    MochaDad- If this is a pledge, count me in, I’m signing it!
    Staying Strong!
    -Jason

  • http://worldaccording2lisa.blogspot.com/ LisaB

    Your blog brought me to tears. In my blog, I am quite snarky and sarcastic and poke fun at men, for humor sake. But deep down, I know there are many really good men out there, and it appears you are one them. I was so moved by your story and your willingness to empower young girls to respect themselves to choose mates wisely and to encourage young men to always respect the women in their lives.

    After reading this I realize that I am one of those statistics. I dated and was engaged to a verbally abusive young man, who was a product of domestic violence himself. God saved me. I found the strength and had the support of my parents when I walked away three months shy of the wedding. That was nineteen years ago and I still have a sense of relief when think about what my life could have been.

    Thank you for voice and your respect and love for the saftety of women and the family.

    :) LisaB

  • http://worldaccording2lisa.blogspot.com/ LisaB

    Your blog brought me to tears. In my blog, I am quite snarky and sarcastic and poke fun at men, for humor sake. But deep down, I know there are many really good men out there, and it appears you are one them. I was so moved by your story and your willingness to empower young girls to respect themselves to choose mates wisely and to encourage young men to always respect the women in their lives.

    After reading this I realize that I am one of those statistics. I dated and was engaged to a verbally abusive young man, who was a product of domestic violence himself. God saved me. I found the strength and had the support of my parents when I walked away three months shy of the wedding. That was nineteen years ago and I still have a sense of relief when think about what my life could have been.

    Thank you for voice and your respect and love for the saftety of women and the family.

    :) LisaB

  • http://www.meladramaticmommy.com Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Momm

    I’m so sorry this happened in your family. Having my son grow up to be a gentleman is really important in our house. Fortunately my husband leads by example.

  • http://www.meladramaticmommy.com Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy

    I’m so sorry this happened in your family. Having my son grow up to be a gentleman is really important in our house. Fortunately my husband leads by example.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    Wow. This was simple, yet very powerful. I’m sorry that you had to have experience such awful sights and events. I’ve always had much respect for you and the way you man-up when it comes to your family. That respect has just rooted deeper, for I did not know all the obstacles that you had to hurdle to get there.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    Wow. This was simple, yet very powerful. I’m sorry that you had to have experience such awful sights and events. I’ve always had much respect for you and the way you man-up when it comes to your family. That respect has just rooted deeper, for I did not know all the obstacles that you had to hurdle to get there.

  • @Bonedwarf

    Wife just sent me the link to this. I despise abusive people. However it should be pointed out that while it’s a much smaller minority, there are men in physically abusive relationships where the woman is the violent, aggressive one.

    Regardless, education and setting a good example works on both sides, so count me in, or signed etc…

  • @Bonedwarf

    Wife just sent me the link to this. I despise abusive people. However it should be pointed out that while it’s a much smaller minority, there are men in physically abusive relationships where the woman is the violent, aggressive one.

    Regardless, education and setting a good example works on both sides, so count me in, or signed etc…

  • @Bonedwarf

    Mentioned it to my wife and the first name she said in regards to the woman being the abusive one was the (sadly departed, killed by his wife) Phil Hartman.

  • @Bonedwarf

    Mentioned it to my wife and the first name she said in regards to the woman being the abusive one was the (sadly departed, killed by his wife) Phil Hartman.

  • http://www.dirtandnoise.com/ ilinap

    I thank you thank you thank you for writing this post. It is so refreshing to read these words from a man’s point of view. Your story is powerful, and we all appreciate you sharing this intimate glimpse into your upbringing. Peace to you, my friend.

  • http://www.dirtandnoise.com/ ilinap

    I thank you thank you thank you for writing this post. It is so refreshing to read these words from a man’s point of view. Your story is powerful, and we all appreciate you sharing this intimate glimpse into your upbringing. Peace to you, my friend.

  • http://boingerhead.blogspot.com Natalie

    Thank you.

  • http://boingerhead.blogspot.com Natalie

    Thank you.

  • http://www.makesmewannaholler.com E.Payne

    There is probably nothing more destructive to families than abuse, not only physical, but emotional and spiritual. There’s no place for it and no place from it where anything positive can grow. Often lives are negatively impacted if not destroyed for generations. My heart goes out to you. Clearly you were meant to overcome these experiences and be an advocate against them. I’m down with you. I’m a Dad who says, “No!” to domestic violence.

    Peace.

  • http://www.makesmewannaholler.com E.Payne

    There is probably nothing more destructive to families than abuse, not only physical, but emotional and spiritual. There’s no place for it and no place from it where anything positive can grow. Often lives are negatively impacted if not destroyed for generations. My heart goes out to you. Clearly you were meant to overcome these experiences and be an advocate against them. I’m down with you. I’m a Dad who says, “No!” to domestic violence.

    Peace.

  • http://www.imthemommyillblogifiwantto.blogspot.com Sandra (hicksgirl93)

    This was so sincere and open, I appreciate it very much. Like you, I came from a home filled with domestic violence as a child and a person cant ever shake the images. I am so happy that it was a cycle that I did not repeat. I have both a son and daughter with my husband and it is so important to us to instill the value of love, respect and honor within our children. Thank you for doing what you can to stop the cycles too.

  • http://www.imthemommyillblogifiwantto.blogspot.com Sandra (hicksgirl93)

    This was so sincere and open, I appreciate it very much. Like you, I came from a home filled with domestic violence as a child and a person cant ever shake the images. I am so happy that it was a cycle that I did not repeat. I have both a son and daughter with my husband and it is so important to us to instill the value of love, respect and honor within our children. Thank you for doing what you can to stop the cycles too.

  • Havalah

    Thank you, thank you!

  • Havalah

    Thank you, thank you!

  • http://www.pinchapigtoe.wordpress.com Maija Jaaska

    This was a wonderful post. Thank you so much for writing it. I have been working with victims of domestic violence for over 15 years and you are right: we need to focus on the men who abuse more so than the women whom we ask “Why doesn’t she leave?” Well done.

  • http://www.pinchapigtoe.wordpress.com Maija Jaaska

    This was a wonderful post. Thank you so much for writing it. I have been working with victims of domestic violence for over 15 years and you are right: we need to focus on the men who abuse more so than the women whom we ask “Why doesn’t she leave?” Well done.

  • http://www.soulwithstyle.com/ SoulWithStyle

    As a previous victim of domestic violence, I definitely take the pledge. So does my husband.

  • http://www.soulwithstyle.com/ SoulWithStyle

    As a previous victim of domestic violence, I definitely take the pledge. So does my husband.

  • http://getofftheground.blogspot.com/ Kevin W. Grossman

    I’m already onboard.

  • http://getofftheground.blogspot.com/ Kevin W. Grossman

    I’m already onboard.

  • http://heyyall.typepad.com/hey_yall Jen L.

    Fantastic post! One of my goals as a mom is to teach my son to treat women with respect. My uncle was abusive to both of his ex-wives, but the person it has affected most is his 7 year old son. Fortunately, he’s paying for his crime, but unfortunately, that means his son is growing up without a dad. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • http://heyyall.typepad.com/hey_yall Jen L.

    Fantastic post! One of my goals as a mom is to teach my son to treat women with respect. My uncle was abusive to both of his ex-wives, but the person it has affected most is his 7 year old son. Fortunately, he’s paying for his crime, but unfortunately, that means his son is growing up without a dad. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    As a father to a young son I know it is my responsibility to show him through my actions how to treat a woman by how I treat his mother. I take this very seriously and if I am successful at nothing else as a father, then I will consider my job complete. Thank you for this post and for sharing your story, this is a very important issue. Abuse in all forms (physical, emotional, spiritual) should never be accepted or tolerated.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    As a father to a young son I know it is my responsibility to show him through my actions how to treat a woman by how I treat his mother. I take this very seriously and if I am successful at nothing else as a father, then I will consider my job complete. Thank you for this post and for sharing your story, this is a very important issue. Abuse in all forms (physical, emotional, spiritual) should never be accepted or tolerated.

  • http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com MyBrownBaby

    Thank goodness for you, Mocha Dad, for your willingness to share your personal story, and for being an example of a MAN who is willing to tell other men to stop the abuse. It’s one thing, after all, to tell abused women to leave; it’s a whole ‘nother thing to stand up and say to the abusers that what they’re doing is wrong. All too often, we lay the responsibility at the feet of the abused. It’s time for men to stop turning their heads to the pain and suffering our women and children are suffering at the hands of their abusers.

  • http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com MyBrownBaby

    Thank goodness for you, Mocha Dad, for your willingness to share your personal story, and for being an example of a MAN who is willing to tell other men to stop the abuse. It’s one thing, after all, to tell abused women to leave; it’s a whole ‘nother thing to stand up and say to the abusers that what they’re doing is wrong. All too often, we lay the responsibility at the feet of the abused. It’s time for men to stop turning their heads to the pain and suffering our women and children are suffering at the hands of their abusers.

  • http://www.askwifey.blogspot.com Wifey

    What a wonderful, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing, for raising awareness and for challenging others to make a difference.

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

  • http://www.askwifey.blogspot.com Wifey

    What a wonderful, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing, for raising awareness and for challenging others to make a difference.

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

  • http://parlinmom.blogspot.com ParlinMom

    THANK YOU MOCHA DAD for standing up and taking a stand. we need more men, fathers, husbands, brothers and sons like you.

    Thank you also for staying strong!!

  • http://parlinmom.blogspot.com ParlinMom

    THANK YOU MOCHA DAD for standing up and taking a stand. we need more men, fathers, husbands, brothers and sons like you.

    Thank you also for staying strong!!

  • http://angel-startingover.blogspot.com/ Angel

    The funny thing is, I did all of these things. I talked to my daughter about relationships, warning signs, etc. She still ended up in an mentally abusive relationship and didn’t fully realize it until I came to visit and pointed it out to her. Of course that didn’t work, so it wasn’t until he had her by the throat against the wall that it occured to her I was right.

    He was always afraid of me, he tried hard to keep me out of the picture so the abuse showed itself fully when he convinced her to move to Florida away from me.

    Abusive men are simply cowards. they feel bad about themselves so they want the person they are with to be just a miserable and they want denominational because they feel little. they are little.

    His father was not abusive, his father was the most kindest loving and considerate man I have ever met, so where he learned the abuse was in hisself.

    Daughters have to be taught self esteem, they have to feel good about themselves and know they do not have to take mistreatment. The need to know they can walk away. They need to know they can call the police . Most abused women are afraid of leaving or ashamed, or so isolated by the abuser they don’t feel they have anywhere to go.
    I saw the signs if she didn’t and refused to be out of her life, he threatened mine still says he is going to kill me for ruining his..I told him to come on and try it. He won’t. He’s a coward.
    Sorry. this just got me started.

  • http://angel-startingover.blogspot.com/ Angel

    The funny thing is, I did all of these things. I talked to my daughter about relationships, warning signs, etc. She still ended up in an mentally abusive relationship and didn’t fully realize it until I came to visit and pointed it out to her. Of course that didn’t work, so it wasn’t until he had her by the throat against the wall that it occured to her I was right.

    He was always afraid of me, he tried hard to keep me out of the picture so the abuse showed itself fully when he convinced her to move to Florida away from me.

    Abusive men are simply cowards. they feel bad about themselves so they want the person they are with to be just a miserable and they want denominational because they feel little. they are little.

    His father was not abusive, his father was the most kindest loving and considerate man I have ever met, so where he learned the abuse was in hisself.

    Daughters have to be taught self esteem, they have to feel good about themselves and know they do not have to take mistreatment. The need to know they can walk away. They need to know they can call the police . Most abused women are afraid of leaving or ashamed, or so isolated by the abuser they don’t feel they have anywhere to go.
    I saw the signs if she didn’t and refused to be out of her life, he threatened mine still says he is going to kill me for ruining his..I told him to come on and try it. He won’t. He’s a coward.
    Sorry. this just got me started.

  • http://tippytoesandtantrums.typepad.com/ kimberly/tippytoes

    It’s a great post, especially getting it from a male perspective.

  • http://tippytoesandtantrums.typepad.com/ kimberly/tippytoes

    It’s a great post, especially getting it from a male perspective.

  • http://dadunmasked.com/ DadUnmasked

    Great post and I stand with you bro. I witnessed a few physical fights between my parents when I was a kid. I also saw my dad strike my mom with a belt. I remember that vividly. I think that was the point at which I lost all respect for him. I swore to myself that I would NEVER lay a hand on a woman in an abusive manner. Ever.

    Stay Strong.

  • http://dadunmasked.com/ DadUnmasked

    Great post and I stand with you bro. I witnessed a few physical fights between my parents when I was a kid. I also saw my dad strike my mom with a belt. I remember that vividly. I think that was the point at which I lost all respect for him. I swore to myself that I would NEVER lay a hand on a woman in an abusive manner. Ever.

    Stay Strong.

  • http://www.iovercookedmyfamily.com Debbie Davis

    Wow, this is a great post. I’m sorry you had to experience so much pain as a child. Together we can make a difference. Thank you.

  • http://www.iovercookedmyfamily.com Debbie Davis

    Wow, this is a great post. I’m sorry you had to experience so much pain as a child. Together we can make a difference. Thank you.

  • http://mommahasmonkeytoes.blogspot.com Monkeytoemomma

    Great post. Sad, but great. Thank you! Four of my friends’ mom’s lost their lives to domestic violence. FOUR. One of which ended up in a relationship where her boyfriend hadn’t gotten physically violent (yet) but had started separating her from her friends and family, controlling her money, and making her feel that she couldn’t make it without him, “He has a better head for money”, “He’s smarter than me”. When she told us that he’s started “shoving” her, we decided to have an intervention and got her out. She stayed at our houses until she had enough money for an apartment. I think it’s important to put yourself out there sometimes; to open up our big mouth and say, “What he’s doing is wrong. I love you and I want to help.” It can make all the difference is someones life. It’s too bad someone didn’t do that for your mom.

  • http://mommahasmonkeytoes.blogspot.com Monkeytoemomma

    Great post. Sad, but great. Thank you! Four of my friends’ mom’s lost their lives to domestic violence. FOUR. One of which ended up in a relationship where her boyfriend hadn’t gotten physically violent (yet) but had started separating her from her friends and family, controlling her money, and making her feel that she couldn’t make it without him, “He has a better head for money”, “He’s smarter than me”. When she told us that he’s started “shoving” her, we decided to have an intervention and got her out. She stayed at our houses until she had enough money for an apartment. I think it’s important to put yourself out there sometimes; to open up our big mouth and say, “What he’s doing is wrong. I love you and I want to help.” It can make all the difference is someones life. It’s too bad someone didn’t do that for your mom.

  • http://www.theycallmejane.wordpress.com Jane

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing attention to this worthy cause. I hate what you had to go through to make this a “cause” for you but I love what you’ve done with the pain you’ve suffered. You haven’t made lemonade – you’ve made lemon meringue pie. And thank you for being such a strong role model for other dads out there. So often we focus on what’s wrong with a culture or gender. This perpetuates a negative, nasty cycle. Your efforts are breaking that cycle. Thank you.

  • http://www.theycallmejane.wordpress.com Jane

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing attention to this worthy cause. I hate what you had to go through to make this a “cause” for you but I love what you’ve done with the pain you’ve suffered. You haven’t made lemonade – you’ve made lemon meringue pie. And thank you for being such a strong role model for other dads out there. So often we focus on what’s wrong with a culture or gender. This perpetuates a negative, nasty cycle. Your efforts are breaking that cycle. Thank you.

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