Comments on: The Case Against Having Kids http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-case-against-having-kids The Musings of a Harried Dad In His Quest to Raise Three Kids Fri, 10 Feb 2012 04:29:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: http://hfbstest.wordpress.com http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-15993 http://hfbstest.wordpress.com Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:27:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-15993 Hello there. I've come across your blog (which I think is great) as I was seeking out other blogs by dads. We seem to be outnumbered by mums by about 20 to 1. I have been through the teenage years as a dad - big time - and there have been times when it has been very tough. But I can't imagine that I would ever have been quite as happy not being a dad, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Hello there. I’ve come across your blog (which I think is great) as I was seeking out other blogs by dads. We seem to be outnumbered by mums by about 20 to 1. I have been through the teenage years as a dad – big time – and there have been times when it has been very tough. But I can’t imagine that I would ever have been quite as happy not being a dad, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

]]> By: Deborah Wallin http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-15807 Deborah Wallin Sat, 15 Oct 2011 03:15:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-15807 I have six children ranging in age from 26-8, and don't regret it for a minute!!  They are the best part of my life. I have six children ranging in age from 26-8, and don’t regret it for a minute!!  They are the best part of my life.

]]> By: upright1 http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-14372 upright1 Sun, 26 Jun 2011 07:25:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-14372 Raise them with eyes open to love, show them the joy of expressing that love, and you won't have to worry about how they will be as teens. My oldest son is a MMA fighter, mechanic and all around macho man... and he will stand in a crowded room and yell "I love you" to whomever he loves. EVEN DAD...lol In fact he will kiss his dad on his bald spot, say "I love you old man" and run laughing from the room, it's been a running joke since he was 12, he tells his dad the bald spot is good luck..lol If you don't want to regret having children then be the person you want them to be. Show kindness, love, honesty, and honor, and even if they rebel, they will revert back to what they learned from you in time. Children learn by emulating those around them, you want a kid to be proud of then be someone they can be proud of. In my lifetime as a counselor, I have found that the parents who say they regret having children are the ones who were to self absorbed to pay real attention to their children and as a result raised self absorbed kids. Raise them with eyes open to love, show them the joy of expressing that love, and you won’t have to worry about how they will be as teens. My oldest son is a MMA fighter, mechanic and all around macho man… and he will stand in a crowded room and yell “I love you” to whomever he loves. EVEN DAD…lol In fact he will kiss his dad on his bald spot, say “I love you old man” and run laughing from the room, it’s been a running joke since he was 12, he tells his dad the bald spot is good luck..lol
If you don’t want to regret having children then be the person you want them to be. Show kindness, love, honesty, and honor, and even if they rebel, they will revert back to what they learned from you in time. Children learn by emulating those around them, you want a kid to be proud of then be someone they can be proud of.
In my lifetime as a counselor, I have found that the parents who say they regret having children are the ones who were to self absorbed to pay real attention to their children and as a result raised self absorbed kids.

]]> By: Beckhiggie http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-13317 Beckhiggie Thu, 24 Mar 2011 13:32:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-13317 aaahhh i can sleep in, read when ever I want, advance my carrer, I don't have to spend all my time cleaning up their little messes...me and my partner love being free! we are 35, and NEVER want kids.....and boring, what the hell, we can do what ever we want, so boring doesn't exist on our world, Isn't it better not to have them if you don't want them, than to have them because it's the social norm? wake up...enjoy having to run around all day after you spawn :) aaahhh i can sleep in, read when ever I want, advance my carrer, I don’t have to spend all my time cleaning up their little messes…me and my partner love being free! we are 35, and NEVER want kids…..and boring, what the hell, we can do what ever we want, so boring doesn’t exist on our world, Isn’t it better not to have them if you don’t want them, than to have them because it’s the social norm? wake up…enjoy having to run around all day after you spawn :)

]]> By: NotKidding http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-3816 NotKidding Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:10:59 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-3816 All you "I wouldn't change a thing" parents are missing the point. What's important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It's hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it's good. It's like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time... our whole lives. If you don't tell yourself that "it was all worth it" you will be depressed. It's an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids. And another thing... most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don't crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You're no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you'll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing. All you “I wouldn’t change a thing” parents are missing the point. What’s important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It’s hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it’s good. It’s like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time… our whole lives. If you don’t tell yourself that “it was all worth it” you will be depressed. It’s an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids.

And another thing… most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don’t crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You’re no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you’ll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing.

]]> By: NotKidding http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-8299 NotKidding Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:10:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-8299 All you "I wouldn't change a thing" parents are missing the point. What's important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It's hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it's good. It's like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time... our whole lives. If you don't tell yourself that "it was all worth it" you will be depressed. It's an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids. And another thing... most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don't crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You're no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you'll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing. All you “I wouldn’t change a thing” parents are missing the point. What’s important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It’s hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it’s good. It’s like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time… our whole lives. If you don’t tell yourself that “it was all worth it” you will be depressed. It’s an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids.

And another thing… most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don’t crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You’re no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you’ll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing.

]]> By: Tooj http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-3419 Tooj Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:51:03 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-3419 Since I've become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this - for me: People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets - monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE. These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they're affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. "To work" could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning.....but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There's always a lesson..... Since I’ve become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this – for me:

People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets – monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE.

These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they’re affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. “To work” could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning…..but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There’s always a lesson…..

]]> By: Tooj http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-8298 Tooj Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:51:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-8298 Since I've become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this - for me: People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets - monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE. These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they're affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. "To work" could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning.....but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There's always a lesson..... Since I’ve become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this – for me:

People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets – monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE.

These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they’re affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. “To work” could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning…..but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There’s always a lesson…..

]]> By: Ross http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-2943 Ross Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:12:52 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-2943 I'm married and don't plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than "they are a blessing" or "they are a joy". I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife's family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I'm selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I'm doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn't look very promising. I’m married and don’t plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than “they are a blessing” or “they are a joy”. I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife’s family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I’m selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I’m doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn’t look very promising.

]]> By: Ross http://www.mochadad.com/2009/08/the-case-against-having-kids/comment-page-2/#comment-8297 Ross Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:12:00 +0000 http://www.mochadad.com/?p=1054#comment-8297 I'm married and don't plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than "they are a blessing" or "they are a joy". I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife's family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I'm selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I'm doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn't look very promising. I’m married and don’t plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than “they are a blessing” or “they are a joy”. I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife’s family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I’m selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I’m doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn’t look very promising.

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