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Fear and Loathing and the First Day of School

bus“I’m scared!” My daughter Nee shrieked. “I’m scared!” Tears poured down her face as her body trembled. My wife K tried to console her, but nothing worked. It was as if Nee were in a fear-induced trance.

“What’s wrong, Nee?” K asked again and again. “Tell, Mommy so I can help you.” After several more minutes of hysterical screaming, Nee finally calmed down enough to say, “I don’t want to go to school!”

K held Nee close and began to pray with her for God’s peace and protection. Once Nee was calm enough to start getting ready, K moved on to wake up the 5 year old, who immediately let K know that he was also nervous about going to school. K brought both of them to our bedroom and told me what happened.

“They both need a hug from Daddy,” K told me. I grabbed both children and squeezed tightly. I assured them that they had nothing to worry about.

And that is how the first day of school began.

My children don’t do well with change. They face all new experiences with trepidation. Going to a new school was a huge event for both of them. N was nervous about starting kindergarten and Nee was anxious about being a third grader in public school (she attended a private Christian school previously). Both were worried about riding the school bus.

K and I knew that the kids would have a hard time adjusting, but neither of us expected this level of anxiety. I’m glad that I was able to be at home on the first day. Having both parents there seemed to provide some comfort.

After getting the kids dressed and fed, I rushed to get them to the bus stop by 8:00 am. I didn’t want them to miss the bus on the first day. Of course, the bus was late, but it was okay because we got to meet some of our neighbors. N was happy to meet a kid in his class. Nee continued to have a bad attitude as I attempted to photograph and videotape the momentous occasion. She won’t be proud of these pictures when she’s older.

When the bus finally arrived, K and I helped the children onboard and immediately jumped into the van to meet them at school. Traffic at the school was a scrum of minivans, sedans, and school buses, each jockeying for a preferred parking spot. After navigating this maze of traffic, K and I eagerly awaited the arrival of our children’s bus.

The bus pulled into the line a few minutes later and kids marched out. A teacher instructed the kindergarteners to follow another teacher to the gym, while the third graders were expected to make their way to their classroom on their own.

Just as Nee began to panic, K grabbed her hand and guided her to her classroom. I followed the kindergarteners to the gym. N’s teacher gathered him and the rest of her students and had them sit quietly on the hardwood floor. I introduced myself and let her know that I was N’s father. I was disappointed when she told me that I could not go to N’s classroom with him. I was robbed of a crucial kindergarten photo-op.

I sat with N and talked to him for several minutes before I had to leave for work. He was still nervous, but he started to relax after I gave him a hug and a few words of encouragement.

When the school day ended, K and I went to pick-up the kids. We decided to save them the torture of riding the bus after school and opted to pick them up instead. However, the torture of waiting in the parent pickup line was much more unpleasant for K and me. After waiting for 40 minutes, we finally pulled up to the curb where the children were waiting. The kids were surprised, but happy to see that I came with K to pick them up from school.

As the kids buckled their seatbelts, K couldn’t contain her excitement.

“So,” K asked. “How was school today?”

“I didn’t like the lunch,” N said.

“But you had macaroni and cheese,” Nee said. “That’s your favorite.”

“Yeah, I know,” N responded. “But it didn’t taste right. Neither did the chicken nuggets. Even the strawberry milk tasted funny.”

“Welcome to the wonders of school lunch,” I said.

N continued with many more anecdotes about his day, but I could tell that K really wanted to hear about Nee’s first day experience. She had to press N’s pause button so Nee could get in a word edgewise.

“Tell us about your day, Nee,” K requested. Reluctantly, Nee admitted she had a “good” day. K was relieved. So was I. We celebrated the day with after-school ice cream at Baskins and Robbins.

I hope the following 189 days are just as good (minus the hysterical shrieking).

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{ 22 comments }

1 Mr. Man August 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm

The kids are troopers and will do well. It is always good to know that your children know that mom and dad have their backs. Also, starting the day in prayer is an excellent way to let youngsters know that God has their back as well.

2 Hangingwithmrscooper August 26, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Awww, the first day can be hard on the children as well as the parents. Two weeks from now it will be as though they’ve been there all of their lives. I’m sure the after school ice cream helped too.

3 Babito's Dad (Daddy Dan) August 26, 2009 at 4:26 pm

How cute that you guys met the school bus at school. I bet I’ll do the same thing some day.

My first day of kindergarten is one of my earliest memories. I remember crying that I didn’t want to go, but ended up loving it, it sounds like K experienced things the same way.

4 Mrs4444 August 26, 2009 at 6:02 pm

What a relief, huh? Starting at a new school is hard. I’m glad your kids had the support of both parents today :0)

5 WeaselMomma August 26, 2009 at 8:00 pm

I love that your wife used prayer your little girl. That’s beyond cool. My youngest had a little fear and anxiety the first day of kindergarten too. She is the first of my kids not no be awake and excited for the first day of school. She wound up having had a great day and was excitedly up and dressed this morning.
I hope you kids have a great year of learning, fun and friends and that you and your wife feel validated in your school choice.

6 The Devoted Dad August 26, 2009 at 8:12 pm

Oh, childhood fears. I so would like to teach my kids how this step is one in many. Also that this experience is one of many character building lessons. Hope day 2 is even better. – Jason

7 Anali August 26, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Glad to hear that the kids made it through the first day. And I like the end of the day ice cream! ; )

8 Diamond August 27, 2009 at 6:28 am

Thanks for sharing their first day with us. Having you both there made ALL the difference. My thoughts and prayers are with you for the remainder of the school year. I pray God would make learning easy and fun for them, protect them in the classroom on the bus and the playground, give them new enthusiasm with each new day, surround them with good friends, and grant them His peace. Shalom.

9 Kellyology August 27, 2009 at 6:39 am

I refuse to do the pickup line after school. I had to do it 3 years in a row between K and pre-K (no busing back in the day for my kids at that grade). It’s always a nightmare.

I’m glad the little one did so well getting on the bus. We had 4 new kindergartners at our bus stop this year, and one little girl did not do well that first day. Her dad/bus driver had to do the shove the kid on the bus slam the door quickly maneuver. The next day? She was all with a head swagger and an eye roll, “Dad, I can get on the bus myself.” It was pretty funny. Hopefully today you’ll get that attitude as well. As I see it, it’s always better than the hysteria.

10 Otter August 27, 2009 at 1:17 pm

You guys were really nice to make sure their first day went as well as possible. I hope they all go well from now on.

11 DCUrbanDad August 27, 2009 at 9:21 pm

I don’t know what I am gonna do with the Mini-Kamp hits school age. I can remember not wanting to go at all.

12 carma August 28, 2009 at 8:03 am

You are a braver parent than I — doing the carpool line. My son is in 8th grade, and I’ve only done the line twice – that’s right – two times in 8 years – at two different schools- both experiences were disastrous. On my first try, I stopped too early in the line instead of pulling past the school (I had no idea), which was met with some shouting from the “delightful, loving mom” behind me ;-)

I have vowed to never do the carpool line unless it is an absolute emergency…Luckily he is happy riding the bus.

I hope your kids have a wonderful year. My son attends public school as well, and except for a few bumps, it’s been pretty much smooth sailing *fingers crossed*

13 Teacher Tom August 28, 2009 at 11:13 am

The first day a parent leaves her/his child at school is often brutal. Parents walk their kids into class, then have to turn their backs and walk out while their child wails and shouts, “Mommy!” or “Daddy!”. There are ways to mitigate it, and some kids take it in stride, but there are usually a half dozen every year who go through this. I’ve installed one-way mirrors on the classroom doors so that parents can “leave” but stay to watch how their kids are doing. Ninety percent of the time, the crying stops within 5 minutes of the door shutting. Half the time the crying stops the second the door closes. I always imagine parents are relieved to see their child get down to “work,” but I know they’re also crying inside.

I liked reading this.

14 Daddy Files August 28, 2009 at 11:38 am

I was a big worrier when I was a kid when it came to school, dances, athletic events, etc. I’m hoping my son inherits more of my wife’s nonchalant attitude, but I fully expect hysterical shrieking and an assload of drama. Thanks for writing this though. I always like coming here to look in the crystal ball and see what awaits me in just a few short years.

15 Tara R. August 28, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Glad they both had good days on their first day, despite the rocky start. I hope each day gets, better and better.

16 Melisa August 29, 2009 at 5:55 am

It’s great that you could both be home; first day anxiety is no fun. No fun at all! But I’m glad the first day was “good”. :)

17 Vodka Logic August 29, 2009 at 6:16 am

Cute post. Having children in College and highschool I am glad to be past that stage. They still hate to go to school but for different reasons. Me.. I am glad when school starts lol

xx

18 PJ Mullen August 29, 2009 at 6:59 am

Ice cream always makes everything better. And I’m sure it helped them to know how supportive you and your wife were for them.

19 Nicole August 29, 2009 at 8:13 am

I love how you and your wife took such care to help your kids deal with their anxiety and make the experience loving and safe for them.

Every year my kids also have anxiety about the transition back to school. Traditionally, we walk the kids to the classroom on the first day of school, and they wave goodbye when they are ready, before class starts.

Our eldest child is in secondary school now so we can’t walk him to class anymore, but we have developed a strategy that helps relieve the anxiety just as well. We run an errand to the school the week before class resumes, and walk through the empty hallways. It helps to make the school more familiar after two months away.

20 Christie-The ChatterBox August 31, 2009 at 3:51 am

So far my kids do pretty good with change. My daughter started Kindergarten this year and it was a new school. She loves it! Of course, on the weekends she always says “So next week, I will go to my real school, right?” speaking of her former pre-school. It’s only been four weeks. Hopefully everything will sink in by Christmas.

21 Debbie Davis August 31, 2009 at 2:18 pm

I’m glad your kiddos survived the first day! I hope they have a wonderful year. The support of parents is so important. Great post!

22 ilinap September 3, 2009 at 5:28 am

*I’m* the one who has trouble sending my kids off to school. They walk right in with confidence and anticipation while I hold back tears.

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