The thing is, no matter what the reason (there are so many!) for mean girl behavior, the fact is that it exists.  And soon, your daughter might start to experience bad behavior from boys as well.  It’s part of life.  I am in no way saying that it’s ok; I myself was bullied at more than one time in my grade school years and it’s awful.  Truly awful.  But whether it’s wrong, or harmful, or upsetting doesn’t change the fact that it’s real and it’s everywhere.  My feeling about this topic is that people have got to start focusing on teaching children the coping skills to get through it.  Not because it should be their burden to carry, or because nasty people should be allowed to inflict their nastiness on everyone, but because their response to the situation is the only thing that is truly within anyone’s control.  We’ve seen the news enough times to know that no amount of punishing, talking to, teaching, begging, or pleading with bullies makes a difference.  We’re putting all our emphasis right now into stopping these kids, and you know what?  The truth is that they can’t be stopped.  They’ve always existed, they always will, it’s just one part of human nature.  So, if you can’t stop a bully, then you have to learn how to survive the situation until you’re out of it. 

Teach your daughter about what it really means to love, respect, and take care of herself.  And teach her about what it really means to protect herself.  Maybe there will be a time in her young life where she’ll have to defend herself physically (I hope not), but that’s not all there is to protecting onesself.  If she’s being mistreated by her friends, then she needs to protect herself by seeing those friendships for what they are and ending them in order to pursue real friendships.  She needs to know that friends may argue, but overall, they lift each other up.  She needs to know that if that’s not happening, then the relationship she’s having isn’t a friendship and it needs to end.  I’m sure you’ve taught her these things, but keeping teaching that because that’s the sort of thing that’ll give her strength and help her navigate the difficulties she’s facing. 

You daughter was able to leave this school for other reasons, and that’s great.  A fresh start is a beautiful thing.  But if she’s in her new school now and has run into more problems, what she needs to learn is how to handle herself in the healthiest possible ways, because vicious people are everywhere.  As her parent and her fiercest guardian, of course you want to protect her, but unless she’s in real danger, the best thing you can do for her is teach her to survive.  That’s a skill she’ll need for the rest of her life. 

I hope she’s happier at her new school.

I remember my grandmother would try to tell me that the other children were just jealous because I made good grades. She told me I was beautiful and smart, and loved me as hard as she could, but in the end I had to realize for myself that the things I was told on the playground weren’t true. What helped me most was that a few of the girls who used to be so mean came back and actually apologized to me when we were older.

Of course, another thing that helped was my grandmother teaching me simply self-defense moves and witty comebacks for their teasing. She always stressed that I shouldn’t start fights, but that if a kid attacked me physically, I had her go-ahead to protect myself. Knowing you love her and think she’s wonderful is important, but knowing you’ll back her up if she gets picked on and defends herself is almost as important, if not more so.

I remember my grandmother would try to tell me that the other children were just jealous because I made good grades. She told me I was beautiful and smart, and loved me as hard as she could, but in the end I had to realize for myself that the things I was told on the playground weren’t true. What helped me most was that a few of the girls who used to be so mean came back and actually apologized to me when we were older.

Of course, another thing that helped was my grandmother teaching me simply self-defense moves and witty comebacks for their teasing. She always stressed that I shouldn’t start fights, but that if a kid attacked me physically, I had her go-ahead to protect myself. Knowing you love her and think she’s wonderful is important, but knowing you’ll back her up if she gets picked on and defends herself is almost as important, if not more so.