My daughter, Nee, is such a sweet little girl: pretty, smart, and well-mannered. She is also painfully shy and finds it difficult to make friends. That’s why it breaks my heart that most of her “friends” have turned out to be mean girls.
One day Nee and her friends are all happily playing Ring-Around-The-Rosey. The next day, her friends go out of their way to make Nee’s life miserable. Some of the girls spew venomous verbal attacks, others make her feel invisible, and a few of the little witches physically assault her. Because of her timid nature, I know that Nee has done nothing to provoke such evil behavior, but the mean girls insist on crushing my daughter’s self-esteem.
Did I mention that my daughter is only in second grade? At a Christian private school.
When I was in grade school, I witnessed girls treat each other horribly. They spread nasty rumors, stole each others’ boyfriends, and had awful cat fights. My friends and I were amused by their ridiculous behavior, and would often instigate confrontations. But when your daughter is the victim, mean girls aren’t so funny anymore.
Nee’s “friends” have driven her to tears on more occasions than I care to count. Every time I see her cry, I want to injure the miscreants who caused my precious daughter so much pain. No 8-year-old should have to deal with this type of mental anguish.
My wife and I have decided to transfer my daughter to another school, not because of the mean girls, but for several other reasons. However, I’m glad that Nee won’t have to endure another year of misery at the hands of her “friends.” But you can’t escape mean girls. They’re everywhere – lurking on the playground, sitting in the lunchroom, even in Sunday School classes at church. I’m at a loss on what to do to prevent a new set of mean girls from hurting my daughter.
Therefore, I need your help. Can you please tell me why girls/women are so mean to one another? If I knew the cause of this behavior, maybe I could help Nee cope with the girls at her school.
Stay Strong,
Popularity: 13% [?]
Natalie A. (17)
Daddy Buster (13)
PJ Mullen (13)
WeaselMomma (12)
Keith Wilcox (11)
carma (10)
Otter (8)
Cheryl (7)
liz w (7)
SAHD PDX (7)
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
my daughter has been dealing with this same type of problem. in fact, i wrote a story about it and tara, if mom says ok, was kind enough to post it for me. because one of the mean girls happens to be a good friends daughter. i wish i had some wise words. the only thing you can do is support her. also, we utilize the school social worker…a lot!! i’m sorry she’s going through this. it’s horrible. and unfortunately, it’s impossible to get away from. these mean girls are in every school, in every city, throughout the world. hugs to your sweet little daughter!
Oh my heart breaks for her. Having been bullied as a kid, I still don’t have the answers. I think sometimes it’s a group mentality thing, and perhaps one girl wants to impress the other girl, so that she’ll look “cool” and fit in with the gang. It’s obviously easiest to target the one least likely to retaliate or do anything hurtful back. I don’t know what it is, but girls do start getting vicious at about that age.
Have you talked to any of the teachers, do you know any of the other girls’ parents? I had a talk with my son about some girls who chased/stalked him and made his life miserable, and it seemed to help.
Good luck to you and hope this behaviour stops for your little girl’s sake. It’s just rotten, but unfortunately often one of the facts of life.
I have no idea why girls and women are so mean to one another. It never ends. It’s even pretty bad here in the blogosphere. It is so unjustified. Happy late Bloghopping!
awww…i wish i could come and hug her…but i’m sure you all are doing that.
girls are mean only because of: lack of “home training,” insecure and not getting love at home, feel threatened by the other girl, feel a need to “fit in” are hurting and sad themselves…
with that said i think the best thing to do…what i would do…is to begin cultivating strength in her that she can reach down and get when she’s all alone. its obvious that there is something special about her that other’s see…the sad thing is that when those others haven’t been taught well they feel threatened.
what ever her hobby…love, etc. is get her more involved into it. don’t force her to be mean back, but force her to see the beauty in her that makes her special…and to cultivate it. i would involve her in special hobbies, past times, etc. that make her feel special and that makes her proud of herself…that will help build up her self-esteem, even if it isn’t low…it will only help her to build it up even more.
play her songs by india.aire…get her books, etc. let her see that she isn’t the only one…
the american girl’s newest girl of the year deals with this very issue…there is movie, books, etc.
the main thing…is to address it but deal with it in a way that your not putting so much focus on the mean girls…but on who she is. take the power away from the mean girls. help her find her voice…which could be art, music, poetry, reading, writing…sports, etc. but help her find her voice and tell her my favorite rule to live by is this:
“never give anyone the power to change who u are…no matter what…be you”
hugs to her…i hope things get better…
I agree with all of the people above. Before leaving high school I learned just how vicious “women” can be even though exposure to meanness started back in elementary school. It’s hard to say exactly what to do since it really depends on your daughter’s personality and what makes her feel most comfortable.
As other said, the girls are simply jealous of Nee has to offer and they are showing it in inappropriate ways probably due to lack of home training for the girls or their parents (you know some adults never learn either and unfortunately passes it on to a new generation). Kiandra is correct to make certain Nee has a very strong sense of self. This is what helped me in elementary school and definitely helped me in high school. Because I defined myself and didn’t allow others to do it for me allowed me to overcome many troubling times. I’m not saying it’s easy, but a strong sense of self will ALWAYS help you through the valleys.
During my adult years, I’ve taken on a mantra given to me by one of sisters (and can you believe she doesn’t even remember saying this to me? But it has definitely stuck with me for now over 10 years). She said, “If you know something is going to bother you, why let it?” Meaning why give that person, thing, etc. the power to control how you feel. If you know hanging around certain people make you feel bad, why do it? If you know reading XYZ, will put you in a bad mood, why let it? This may be too much for an 8 y.o. to handle, but perhaps something we all said will help Nee as she starts a new school this fall.
2 reasons: Jealousy & Power – neither of which make it acceptable.
I CRINGE knowing my girls will be entering this phase in the next few years, but I know there’s almost nothing I can do except make sure they are not one of the ‘mean girls.’ My eldest (4yo) sounds just like your Nee – shy, unassuming, does what she’s told, kind, etc. and I fear her perceived weaknesses will be fodder for picking.
my daughter had her own share of problems w mean girls or frenemies. it has just gotten worse and worse..they start early, too. with my daughter, she is different. she doesn’t like to follow along and be a sheep. she also likes to take charge of things and hate when people goof off when things need to be done. she also has a bit of a pudgy stomach so there are ppl saying stuff about that. she’s really learning how to deal with it, except she’s a bit on the emotional side. once you start showing someone that they are getting to you, they keep at it because they know it does. i told her the trick was to not let them know it hurt or whatever, act like it doesn’t matter, and eventually they will stop because it looks as if it’s not affecting you. i hate to see what high school is like. back in our day we were NEVER this bad.
It starts YOUNG too. My best friend in preschool would only be my friend on Tuesdays and Thursdays when her first best friend wasn’t there. On the other days I was only her SECOND best friend, and when we played house I had to be the dad and leave for work.
I don’t really know why women are mean to each other. I try not to be, but honestly I’ve been a cliquey bitch before, particularly in middle school & elementary school.
I have no helpful advice. Children are cruel, girls seemingly especially so.
First, girls and women aren’t any meaner to each other than men and boys. We as a society just teach them it’s not good to be competitive, so they can be more underhanded about it. But I have one of each, and work with kids of both sexes. Neither has a corner on mean, and questions like “Can you please tell me why girls/women are so mean to one another” perpetuate stereotypes.
But I will say, as a mom who’s quiet daughter is about to finish her elementary school years, for girls, I do think second grade can be one of the worst years. They are learning the power of words, but don’t understand the impact of them. Their mouths develop ahead of their morals. You can help Nee best by helping her learn to find her voice, training her that it is ok to speak the truth back and tell girls how she feels.
Reading this makes me very glad to have all boys. (I know they will have their own issues).
I don’t know what makes girls mean. I wish I did. Growing up poor made me a constant target. Around fourth grade I finally realized, I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t need others girls to validate me. Having supportive parents certainly helps. Continue to build her self esteem, and enforce what friends actually are. She will have to believe in herself enough to stand up against them
as a former middle school teacher, i saw plenty of bullying. i agree with some others. bullying is about power, jealousy, lack of self-worth, revenge. girls also tend to bully in packs. it’s the mob mentality. i still don’t get it, but those are the facts.
that said, the best you can do for her is to give her a strong base in which to stand proudly and confidently in life. a strong sense of self-confidence is lacking in so many young people and you, as her parents, can do so much for her at home. support her, encourage her, love her and it will pay you back ten-fold.
Awww, that makes me sad. I think that God knows what you can handle – that’s why I don’t have any daughters! My husband and I work with the Children’s and Teen Ministry at our church so we deal with all types of kids from newborns to teens. The first few years are fine, but somewhere between 3 -5 (depending on the kid), there’s a switch and you can start seeing the “mean girl” syndrome appear right in front of your eyes. (Not that boys don’t have their own “issues”!) I wish that there was some magical cure, but I don’t know what it is. When kids are mean to my son, I try to use it as a way to teach him empathy so that he’ll remember how it feels/ won’t treat others in a mean way.
Hopefully I can help. You can’t control other people’s actions but here is some insight from an article I wrote at Dad-Blogs http://www.dad-blogs.com/the-blogs/dear-weasel-momma/313-take-cover-shes-gonna-blow.html
This is really sad, I’m sorry she is going through this. I think that the reason Nee cries so much, aside from being a child full of innocence and faith and trust in others, is that she hasn’t fiugured out what most girls figure out a even a younger age and that it is how to manipulate people mentality and emotionally and use it in ways to make yourself feel better and others who you might feel threatened by or jealous of feel less than. This unfortunately is something that Nee will experience her entire life and what these girls/women prey on is lack of self confidence. That being said, what you need to start working on with Nee, more than ever is to really talk to her about these types of behavior and why they come about. You need to tell her that not every “cool” girl in school is, in fact cool, and that she needs learn to choose that are no so much “popular” or “cool” as much as they are nice, and kind, and friendly with others. Point out to her that the latter aren’t always the prettier girls, or the ones everyone wants to be around, or even the one with the coolest backpack or pencil, but these are the girls that make the best friends, that will always be there for you no matter what, and that are less likely to hurt you. You need to start instilling in her enough self confidence and really forcing her to see herself and measure her worth not by what her friends say, or by what she wears or by who she hangs out with, but by how she sees herself and how she treats others. And you need to tell her why these girls do the things they do, and make her see that it is a weakness of theirs and that she needs to thus stay away from them because they are obviously not confident enough in themselves and so they are taking it out on someone who they see as maybe being better, whether it’s true or not.
The only way women/girls avoid the affects of mean girls is to really have self confidence to be able to not only recognize it for what it is, and not fall into the trap of believing it, but then also be able to laugh at it, and ignore it. There is no greater response to bullying than that. I wish her luck, it’s a tough road, but she needs to really figure out ho she is so that she isn’t as vulnerable to it. Poor baby (hugs).
I dunno, I know people say one shouldn’t do this, but I would “casually” mention it to the parents if I ever saw them.
You know why they pick on Nee, because they think they can. They would not dare miss with her again if one day she hauled off and smack the cow dun out of one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t advocate hitting, but the bullying will never stop if she doesn’t stand up for herself in one form or another.
My little Elyse (Piecy) is the smallest child in her kindergarten class. Like Nee, she is quiet and doesn’t make friends easy. One day she came home in tears where a young lady, much bigger than her, in her class had shoved her to the ground and called her names. Like you, I KNOW Elyse had not done anything to provoke this behavior, it just isn’t who she is. My teaching, we don’t start fights, but we damn sure finish them. “The next time she puts her hands on you, bite her. Draw blood. Make sure every time she sees you coming, she falls to the ground and foams at the mouth!”
Now I know there are parents that DON”T agree with me, but my child doesn’t hurt people and I don’t want people hurting her. Kids these days are flat out mean. Once they think you fear them, the bullying only intensifies. I guaranteed Elyse she would only have to really stick it to someone once for everyone to get the message; don’t pick with “Piecy”!
I’d like to say it ends when you reach a certain age in womanhood, but unfortunately it doesn’t.
Women, not all, have this sense of competition, natural jealousy, and lack of self-confidence. This is the reason I believe girls (women) attack, starting at a young age.
Maybe your daughter, who I know has all of the qualities you mentioned, has something the other girls want. You may seem like an easy target because of her kindness. It’s a shame she may have to ‘put her foot down’ and lower her standards in order to deal with these group of girls.
It would be so easy to say it’s genetic because then we could diagnose this viscous act of nonsense. Boys (men) rarely have cases like this. Sure, there are bullies of all sorts, but girls take it to the extreme.
My hopes is that Nee will grow stronger from this situation and find a level of confidence that will allow her to overcome this negativity. Who knows, Nee may use this to her advantage and be able to help other girls dealing with the same problem, one day.
Let her know, I am rooting for her!
I’ve no idea why it’s that way, but it’s true. My daughter is in first grade, and the meanness is already more than a year old. Hard to understand and difficult to accept. I hope the mean girls at her new school are less mean than the mean girls at her old one.
Yes, I agree with you Diamond. I think this crap starts in 2nd Grade for all girls. My daughter Sydney now in the 3rd grade had problems last year and we nipped that stuff right in the butt!!!! I think mean girls are generational, their mamas were probably mean too! Generational Curses, we’ve got to put some oil or holy water on these kids (secretly when their not looking)! Hang in there it does get better:)
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks Matthew 12:34. In a nutshell, you treat people the way you feel inside. Girls are mean to each other, because they don’t feel good about themselves. I would be curious to know how many of these girls that are mean to your little one have a loving Father at home. If you’re a believer, tell your little one to pray for them. If it were me, I would go so far as to invite them over for dinner. People’s attitude’s often change when they know that you care about them.
Just my 2 cents.
yolanda
It hurts me to read this. I was that “shy” girl too, and really didn’t know how to speak up for myself at all. I fortunately didn’t fall victim to any “mean girls,” but that was by sheer luck alone. As I grew older I learned to assert myself more… but this is a skill I wish I’d had in my younger years.
I think as girls gain more confidence, in general, they become better able to speak up for themselves…. better able to say “no,” speak out against poor treatment, and overall assert themselves in positive and healthy ways. There will always be “frenemies,” but when you start giving them back a little of what they’re dishing out, they start to respect you more. I didn’t learn this until years later. Of course, if you’re a really sweet/nice person, as I’m sure Nee is, it’s probably hard for you to get snippy back and give them a dose of their own medicine. But sometimes it becomes necessary. It’s not too late for Nee to acquire these skills. I might start by some confidence boosting stuff, like getting her involved in recreational activities such as sports (note: not dance classes–sports, which are proven to build confidence in girls and also toughen them up a bit). If Nee were to remain in that school, I think a meeting with the parents of these girls would have been in order.
I homeschooled my children so they would not have to deal with such ugly incidents, the result was two fold. One, they still were treated badly at church, and another when they went to school for the first time in High school they got it again.
I made the mistake of thinking a Christian school or a church was safe from bulling, racism, and hatred. In trying to keep my kids safe, I learned a very powerful life lesson. You can’t.
No matter what school, church, playground they are involved in they are going to encounter bullies, and racism.
My kids told me a few days ago about a little girl they had played with when they were 7 or 8, how mean she was and her parents never allowed them in the house because they were mixed. It is a good thing I didn’t know, or she would have found herself suddenly sitting on the ground. Her daughter as snotty as she was, came in our house all the time, swam in the pool, and ate our food. What’s wrong with this picture? If you are going to be racist be racist both ways. Keep your kid home. Oh, yea she didn’t have a pool, or swing set, or neat toys at home.
I am going on and on but the bottom line is all we can do is equip them to handle the situations, we can’t keep them safe and that is sad.
Man I so don’t know what to tell you. I was always shy and quiet growing up as well. Not to mention wore a lot of hand me downs so I should have been a good target. But since my brother was such a bad a$$ growing up I think people just didn’t mess with me because they knew who I was related too. Even in high school I made friends with the popular girls (only cause we had the same classes) but I always felt like a tag a long. But no one messed with me then either becuase they knew who I hung out with. When I think back I really don’t consider them to be mean girls. They were friendly and nice to everyone (at least what I saw). Just continue to encourage her and have her get involved in things that she likes. She will make far better friends that way.
It breaks my heart to hear this. Unfortunately I don’t have any experience with mean girls since I have a son, but boys can be tormented just as much by bullies. I believe a lot of it boils down to jealousy. I can also attest that the middle school years can be particularly tough. You are doing the best thing in getting her situated at another school before then.
BTW, I don’t know if guys are into “blog awards” but I have one for you at my site (Sunday’s post). No need to pass on, etc., but I thought you’d enjoy it
I wish I had something for you. I posted my own expereinces with this a week or two ago, and I can tell you that the impacts are enormous and long lasting. I think the only thing you can do is be a strong parent, and a good role model and create a safe place (emotionally) for them to return. And it sounds like that’s just what you are doing.
Beyond that, I’m afraid, it’s out of our hands. At least until after the damage is done.
Man, I DO NOT look forward to this. Our oldest is only 3 1/2 yrs old and I really hope she gets into a good circle of friends. I’m so sorry to hear that her “friends” have brought her to tears – that’s just so frustrating to hear. But, I’m glad you guys are working on a better solution for her.
Are you kidding? If you found that out, you’d be running for the nobel peace price! *lol*
I -for one- would like to know why girls have this tendency to be mean and to backstab…. give me boys, please.. they just play and when they fight, one hits the other and it’s done with! I always played with boys when I was little, and it had very much to do with all that..
girls tend to have their own politics and gangs and they’re VERY good at picking ‘ fights’ that last for ages
and, well.. yeah, the backstabbing bit is the thing I never understood.
greetings from the netherlands!
Mean girls among other things have helped me make the decision to home school. My girls are much more happy and less stressed out since they have been homeschooled.
I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. It makes me so sad that girls, and WOMEN, are like this. I have no idea why they do it. Perhaps something about jealously? I’m so glad you’re reaching out and taking action. It’s something my mother never did. I was often the recipient of teasing as a gradeschooler. Even as an adult looking different.
I was a shy girl who had a mother who forced me to fight after I kept running home whining and sometimes terrified of the girl-bullies at my school. I had one fight and that knocked people off of me. I was so afraid that I over-fought and pummeled one girl.
With my daughter, I made sure she did activities where she’d find children that she had more in common with. A couple of the girls in the neighborhood who started out mean, I took under my wing and worked to influence them. One with the mother’s knowledge, one without (that one’s mother was a doozy and didn’t get my concerns). Befriending friends I didn’t like also helped when my daughter picked a couple of knuckleheads to like in high school.
Best of luck to you.
Children shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of harassment. As an adult, there is no way I would put myself in a situation day in and day out with people who treated me like your daughter is being treated. Being physically assaulted is not something to be put up with and neither is verbal abuse. Coping with that kind of constant abuse isn’t healthy for anyone. I think moving her to another school is a wise decision. You say it’s for different reasons, but abuse is enough of a reason to move. If you keep running into schools where she is still receiving such excessive abuse, you might consider homeschooling her. At least that way, when she runs into mean kids at homeschooling groups, she won’t be stuck with them 8 hours a day 5 days a week.
P.S. I hope she makes some new and kind friends!
Mean girls brought me to tears all the time when i was in Jr. High. Teasing me about my skin, hair, etc. I would not replace those years, because they made me the person i am today!
Love you blog- please come visit us http://urbanfrugalchic.com
Maybe we can do a blog roll exchange. Send me an email if you are interested!
When I tried my hand at acting and modeling. I was able to take all the rejection, and criticism…because of all the years of experience being teased by mean girls! The sad part is that grown women still act that way- hating on one another !
It took most of my life before I realized that a lot of that meanness is due to envy, jealousy and low self-esteem. I don’t know why girls act like that or where they get it from. I only know it carries over into their adult life. I never thought anyone had a reason to be jealous of me. I wasn’t the prettiest and I was always the chubby kid, no reason for girls to be jealous… right? I learned I was wrong. Jealous of my brain, my skills, my talents. Again, it took me a life time to finally figure out what I’d been dealing with my whole life.
If it’s any comfort, as I look back at the hardships I met along my journey, I wouldn’t trade any of them because they were the things that made me who I am today – able to feel for others, care for others, sense someone else’s pains and discomforts. Just continue to be there for your daughter, teach her right from wrong, feed her self worth and the unfortunate trials she faces now will in the end make her the better person. She is already the better person – she has you.
Wow, this broke my heart!! I actually recently wrote a post on my blog about women bullies. I witnessed bullies as a child and now at 42…I still witness them. The problem, they are adults. Makes me so frustrated. I truly believe that unhappy people bully….insecure,unhappy and JEALOUS people. Ok, had to get that off my chest…thank you;)
Hello Mocha Dad, this is my first time on your blog and when I saw this topic I knew I had to respond. I have been affected by mean girls for the majority of my life and I’m now 32 years old. When I was in grade school, I was constantly teased about my looks, I was chubby with an afro and glasses- I was raised in the 80’s and it was not so cool to wear an afro anymore,lol! Also, I was insanely quiet and kept to myself- that just added fuel to the fire, I was the brunt of many jokes from the cool, popular girls in grade school and eventually high school, in high school it’s 100 times worse, you are dealing with raging hormones and full out cattiness; and yes this continued in college also but what I did and is probably one of my only regrets, I kept it all to myself. I felt alone and isolated for most of my formative years which have caused problems for me up until a few years ago, when I finally opened up about all the pain I suffered and inevitably made good friends. Ironically this is what made me distinguish the frenemies I had from the great friends I have to this day. Also, when she gets a little older, tell her that people come into your life for a season, not everyone is meant to be friends with you forever, some friendships are only meaningful in certain stages in our lives and if you don’t move on they become unhealthy. I also recently discovered this by ending a friendship with a so-called friend who just happened to be a mean girl in disguise, and guess what she’s 38 years old! This woman would talk crap about every woman she would come in contact with yet she was so self-absorbed, neurotic, insecure and hated her life; I knew I had to cut her off if not just for the fact that she would slip in an insult or two now and again, or a backhanded compliment whenever she felt threatened by me; the situation as well as she, was insane.
Truthfully, mean girls are everywhere and every age, some women do not know how to be kind and they will never learn; but what you can do for your daughter is teach her how to be assertive, not aggressive. She is still in grade school so if a mean girl or whomever was to say something insulting to her, tell her it is okay to talk to an adult about the situation as well as yourself and let the adults handle it from there. If the bullying/meanness continues, then you know you have a situation where a sit down with parents is necessary.
Most importantly, teach her the value of friendship and tell her how to distinguish a good, kind friend from those who aren’t so good because if she starts that now, she will learn how to seek out a good support group or network of great people that will help her get through life. Like I said before, mean girls/women are everywhere; from the competitive classmate who tries to insult or intimidate you or the female boss who wants to keep her foot on your neck because she’s afraid you might steal her job. I honestly don’t know how some women, some people sleep at night knowing they intentionally hurt others on a daily basis, but like my mother always told me “people who are hurting, hurt others.” That statement couldn’t be more relevant today. Sorry for the long post- I hope all this helps.
I wish I could say it ends, but it doesn’t. Like most of the posters above have said, bullying is about power and control. They pick on her because she is shy and because they think they can. As someone mentioned, no place is safe from this type of behavior. Most girls are competing with each other. In this society, we have taught our children that materialistic things are more important than integrity, pride, self esteem and confidence. We should not make the mistake of innocently (or ignorantly) thinking the world is the same as it was when we were younger. It isn’t. Children are beguiled and enticed by the hippest phones, the hottest clothes etc. If they see a child who stands out, they automatically see her as prey. Do not blame the children, some blame must and does lie with the parents.
When I found myself in this situation, I “hinted” at watching my child everyday they were in the school’s care, showing them their very own statement about providing a safe secure environment for “every” child. Bullies also have a tendency to pick on children who are “different” (read extremely intelligent) or retrospective. These children are deep thinkers as my Dad would say.
She is going to grow up intelligent and proud that she did not stoop to the ignorance of her peers, regardless of how tempting it was. I also agree that you should remove her from the situation if possible if it has grown into physical assault.
We are here to protect our children and your reaction is rightful and pure. Nee will grow up to be a beautiful, confident, proud Black woman because that is the way you are raising her.
i’ve got my daughter in private christian school…and i always went to them. never spent a day in public school. and i gotta say that i’ve seen the meanness happen even in my schools. it’s sad andi guess all kids no matter what kind of upbringing have to deal with it at some point. it’s sad.
I was the shy, smart kid who got tortured in grade school by her classmates. I don’t know why girls are mean, unless it’s territorial or insecurity. Sometimes, I don’t think they realize just how much they hurt each other until later. I got called fat, ugly, egghead, and all sorts of other names in elementary school, and grew up thinking those things were true. Seeing pictures of myself as a child, I’m surprised to find that I was a healthy, adorable kid.
I remember my grandmother would try to tell me that the other children were just jealous because I made good grades. She told me I was beautiful and smart, and loved me as hard as she could, but in the end I had to realize for myself that the things I was told on the playground weren’t true. What helped me most was that a few of the girls who used to be so mean came back and actually apologized to me when we were older.
Of course, another thing that helped was my grandmother teaching me simply self-defense moves and witty comebacks for their teasing. She always stressed that I shouldn’t start fights, but that if a kid attacked me physically, I had her go-ahead to protect myself. Knowing you love her and think she’s wonderful is important, but knowing you’ll back her up if she gets picked on and defends herself is almost as important, if not more so.
I am the father of 4 girls, my oldest just turned 13 a year ago and is in 7th grade. My youngest is 2. I have 2 boys as well. We have had to deal with this with our oldest on a couple of occasions. One was at a birthday party our oldest daughter was having and some of the girls she invited. They turned on each other and it ended up everyone was crying, luckily my wife and I put an end to it that night and it stopped. I have taught my daughters to be strong and that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of them. Respect yourself and don’t ever disrespect yourself by allowing something to happen you know you don’t want. All of my daughters are sweet, well the 2 year old isn’t always so sweet, but my older 3 are very sweet and they certainly aren’t the popular girls in their schools. We have also told our daughters if anything happens to call us or tell us immediately and we will come and support them. Unfortunately this happened to my 13 year old this year with a boy, but that’s another story. My work schedule allows me to work 4 days a week and on Fridays I volunteer at my kid’s schools. I have been doing this since my oldest started kindergarten and I am still doing it to this day even in the middle school. This has helped me keep an eye out on the kids in their classrooms and build relationships with the teachers. I see lots of stuff when I am at school and get a better understanding of the other kids and whats happening in their lives and it allows me to talk about it with my kids at home. I also teach all my kids to stand up for those who can’t or won’t and this has been helpful also. I am seeing things pay off this year for my 13 year old as she is starting to use her voice more and more. Ultimately we are lucky we haven’t had it as bad as your daughter and I am really sorry to hear that. She doesn’t deserve that and I hope your new school works out for her.