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The Music Lesson

musicA couple of weeks ago, as my daughter was getting ready for school, she mentioned that her class was working on an Asian song and they instructed to use her fingers to slant their eyes at certain times.

My wife, K, and I were shocked. When my daughter saw our reaction, she thought that we were angry at her. We assured her that we were not and took the opportunity to explain to her why it was wrong to slant her eyes.

Later, K and I discussed the situation and decided that she would send an e-mail message to the teacher to express our outrage. The teacher replied with an apology that I thought was inadequate. In the response, he said that he may have performed the eye slanting, but he did not instruct the children to do so. He also said that he didn’t recall doing it in any other class besides my daughter’s.

You may recall how the Spanish basketball team was greeted with international outrage when its team posed for an ad while the players used their fingers to slant their eyes while taking a photograph during the Olympics. Apparently, Mr. Music Teacher did not. He completely missed the point. I figured that I needed to explain the situation to him in a more direct manner so I sent the following e-mail message:

Mr. Music Teacher,
I must say that I was quite disappointed when my wife brought this incident to my attention. As the teacher you have a tremendous influence on students’ perceptions. Such a thoughtless act can only breed intolerance. If this is the way that you teach the children about other cultures, I do not want my daughter to be a part of it. While your apology to us was adequate, the students still have the impression that it is okay to slant their eyes when referring to people of Asian descent. I hope that you will rectify this problem.

I immediately received another e-mail apology and phone call. His attempts to seem contrite were wasted on me because I could sense that he really saw nothing wrong with his actions. His job is to expose our children to other cultures without engaging in stereotyping or offensive behavior. He failed to do that. It is one thing if the children slanted their eyes on their own, but for them to be taught to do this is inappropriate. If an Asian child were in the class, would he/she have been expected to slant his/her eyes as well?

I know that we’ve all been guilty of perpetuating racial stereotypes. I remember slanting my eyes when referring to Asian people when I was a kid, but have I since learned better. In this day and age, we cannot continue to accept such ignorance. It is up to each of us to speak out against any “ism” or stereotype that we encounter.

What’s most disappointing about this situation is that it my daughter attends a Christian private school. I expected the staff to be more sensitive to such issues. Maybe I was naïve. This incident has caused me to reconsider my commitment to this school. I’ll keep you posted.

Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad

Question: How do you respond when you hear people making racist statements?

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  • http://michellesamom.blogspot.com Michelle

    I don’t blame you. That is awful. I would probably talk to the principal as well. There are programs that they can get in the school to teach both teachers and students about racism (and how to make the school a safe place for ALL students). It seems to me that one of these are necessary at this point. Any good administrator would get on that ASAP. If not, I’d absolutely pull my child out of the school.

  • http://michellesamom.blogspot.com Michelle

    I don’t blame you. That is awful. I would probably talk to the principal as well. There are programs that they can get in the school to teach both teachers and students about racism (and how to make the school a safe place for ALL students). It seems to me that one of these are necessary at this point. Any good administrator would get on that ASAP. If not, I’d absolutely pull my child out of the school.

    • Mocha Dad

      We have contacted the principal to express our displeasure. Reinrollment is up in the air right now.

  • http://www.momfiles.com Sheliza

    Gosh that is not cool at all for a teacher to do this. You and your wife handled it well. I would have cc’d that email to the pricipal and guidance counselor as well. I’m sorry this happened, you would think these things wouldn’t especially in a private Christian school.

  • http://www.momfiles.com Sheliza

    Gosh that is not cool at all for a teacher to do this. You and your wife handled it well. I would have cc’d that email to the pricipal and guidance counselor as well. I’m sorry this happened, you would think these things wouldn’t especially in a private Christian school.

  • http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com MyBrownBaby

    Sheesh–so sorry that happened to you. But don’t run, Mocha Dad. I think a huge part of our responsibility as parents is to not only address the situation, but stick around to make sure that CHANGES are made. That can’t happen if you pull your babies out of the school. First, see how the principal and the guidance counselors respond, and be sure that the teacher knows he’s been put on notice that that kind of behavior will NOT fly. Not saying that your children are responsible for carrying crosses nobody wants to bare, but this is a GREAT learning lesson for them, for you as a parent, and for the teachers and administrators at that school, who probably wouldn’t have thought it was an awful thing if you weren’t there to let them know and demand they correct it.

  • http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com MyBrownBaby

    Sheesh–so sorry that happened to you. But don’t run, Mocha Dad. I think a huge part of our responsibility as parents is to not only address the situation, but stick around to make sure that CHANGES are made. That can’t happen if you pull your babies out of the school. First, see how the principal and the guidance counselors respond, and be sure that the teacher knows he’s been put on notice that that kind of behavior will NOT fly. Not saying that your children are responsible for carrying crosses nobody wants to bare, but this is a GREAT learning lesson for them, for you as a parent, and for the teachers and administrators at that school, who probably wouldn’t have thought it was an awful thing if you weren’t there to let them know and demand they correct it.

  • http://loridjohnson.blogspot.com Lori

    Interesting! I was involved in a similar incident back in high school. I just addressed it in detail on
    a new blog called diversity ink, which details with race relations from a mult-ethnic perspective.

    http://diversityink.blogspot.com/

    In my situation, during a discussion of WWII, my high school teacher kept referring to the Japanese as “dirty Japs.” Even though I am an African American, I was still highly offended. It also didn’t help matters that there was also a young woman of Asian descent in the same class.

    Anyway, I admire the way you addressed the issue in your particular situation. Kids do learn by example. I applaud you for teaching your daughter to treat others as she’d want to be treated.

  • http://loridjohnson.blogspot.com Lori

    Interesting! I was involved in a similar incident back in high school. I just addressed it in detail on
    a new blog called diversity ink, which details with race relations from a mult-ethnic perspective.

    http://diversityink.blogspot.com/

    In my situation, during a discussion of WWII, my high school teacher kept referring to the Japanese as “dirty Japs.” Even though I am an African American, I was still highly offended. It also didn’t help matters that there was also a young woman of Asian descent in the same class.

    Anyway, I admire the way you addressed the issue in your particular situation. Kids do learn by example. I applaud you for teaching your daughter to treat others as she’d want to be treated.

  • http://www.abusymommy.com Jen

    Wow…Kudos to you and your wife for standing up. It’s unfortunate that there are still people out there who would let this type of behavior slide. My brother is of Asian decent and my Son is of African Canadian decent and it is amazing how many are still ignorant to the hurt and damage that is done from thoughtless acts. I hope that teacher is disciplined to the full extent and maybe a little more… Imagine, instilling these thought in the generation of tomorrow.

  • http://www.abusymommy.com Jen

    Wow…Kudos to you and your wife for standing up. It’s unfortunate that there are still people out there who would let this type of behavior slide. My brother is of Asian decent and my Son is of African Canadian decent and it is amazing how many are still ignorant to the hurt and damage that is done from thoughtless acts. I hope that teacher is disciplined to the full extent and maybe a little more… Imagine, instilling these thought in the generation of tomorrow.

  • http://www.21stcenturydad.com Elliott – 21st Century Dad

    Wow. It must’ve really ticked you off if you’re reconsidering your commitment to the entire school!

    Being of Asian descent, this really resonated with me. I went to private schools growing up. Kids are no less cruel.. they just have richer parents. I rarely used the “victim of racism” defense when busted for fighting. Actually, i don’t think I ever did.

  • http://www.21stcenturydad.com Elliott – 21st Century Dad

    Wow. It must’ve really ticked you off if you’re reconsidering your commitment to the entire school!

    Being of Asian descent, this really resonated with me. I went to private schools growing up. Kids are no less cruel.. they just have richer parents. I rarely used the “victim of racism” defense when busted for fighting. Actually, i don’t think I ever did.

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